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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26752129">Nott-tober</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernThorn/pseuds/FernThorn'>FernThorn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Autistic Nott | Veth Brenatto, Backstory Swap, Betrayal, Brainwashing, Collars, Empire Kids, Empire Siblings - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fantastic Racism, First Meetings, Gen, Guilt, Hurt Nott | Veth Brenatto, Kidnapped, M/M, Minor Yeza Brenatto/Nott | Veth Brenatto, Multi, Non-Verbal Nott | Veth Brenatto, Not Beta Read, Nott The Brave's A+ Self-Esteem, Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Caleb Widogast Friendship, Nott | Veth Brenatto Has ADHD, Nott | Veth Brenatto Has Issues, Nott | Veth Brenatto Needs a Hug, Nott | Veth Brenatto has PTSD, Nott | Veth Brenatto's Backstory, Nott | Veth Brenatto-centric, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Nott | Veth Brenatto, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Stream (Critical Role), Protective Caleb Widogast, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast, Touch Repulsion, Touch-Starved, Trent Ikithon Being an Asshole, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Whump, Whumptober 2020, empire children, nott dies, qpp widobrave, she gets better, suffocation, tagged nott/caleb but can be read as platonic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:20:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26752129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernThorn/pseuds/FernThorn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Nott the Brave centered whump fics, using a revised version of the Whumptober2020 list!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beauregard Lionett &amp; Nott | Veth Brenatto, Beauregard Lionett &amp; Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay &amp; Nott | Veth Brenatto, Empire siblings, Fjord &amp; Nott | Veth Brenatto, Jester Lavorre &amp; Nott | Veth Brenatto, Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Astrid (critical role), Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Eodwulf (critical role), Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Essek Thelyss, Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Mollymauk Tealeaf, Nott | Veth Brenatto &amp; Yasha, Nott | Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein &amp; Nott | Veth Brenatto, Yeza Brenatto/Nott | Veth Brenatto, empire kids - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Waking up Restrained</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>!! PLEASE READ !!<br/>These fics won't be following a theme other than Nott Centric whump, so there will be a variety ranging from canon compliant to canon divergence.  Please read the notes at the beginning. If there is no indicator of canon, it is a new story. Please check the beginnings of each chapter for content warnings</p><p>Day 1: Waking up restrained<br/>Day 2: Collars/Kidnapped<br/>Day 3: Manhandled/ forced to knees<br/>Day 4: caged<br/>Day 5: rescue<br/>Day 6: beaten<br/>Day 7: enemy to caretaker<br/>Day 8: isolation<br/>Day 9: nightmares<br/>Day 10: blood loss<br/>Day 11: crying<br/>Day 12: broken bones<br/>Day 13: chemical pneumonia<br/>Day 14: scarring<br/>Day 15: possession<br/>Day 16: feeblemind<br/>Day 17: unexpected trigger<br/>Day 18: phobias<br/>Day 19: memory loss/ amnesia<br/>Day 20: numb<br/>Day 21: smoke inhalation<br/>Day 22: laced drink<br/>Day 23: exhaustion/sleep deprivation<br/>Day 24: sensory deprivation/blindness<br/>Day 25: disorientation/ concussion<br/>Day 26: power word pain<br/>Day 27: Fever/ sleepless night<br/>Day 28: touch starved<br/>Day 29: reluctant bedrest<br/>Day 30: wound reveal<br/>Day 31: experiment</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Canon compliant/pre stream- Nott steals a bottle of cherry wine</p><p>CW: alcoholism, imprisonment, non gendered body dysphoria, fantasy racism</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was raining, and Nott didn’t have a roof. It wasn’t a luxury she had been afforded in a long time, as the goblins had left her in the mud, kicking her away everytime she tried to sneak under one of the many tarps propped around the camp. Luckily, there had been a few thick canopies of leaves overhead that had, while not sheltering her entirely, kept her from getting hypothermia. Here in Talonsadt, there were no trees to hide under. </p><p>It had been three weeks since she had left, and she had already made a name for herself in town. Rumors had spread quickly about the little goblin stealing loaves of bread from farmers and bottles of wine from window sills. This had all come to ahead when, heedless of her better judgement, she had snatched a green stained bottle of cherry wine from Abernathies Things, the town's general store. In the distance, she could still hear the echoing ringing of bells as Crowns Guard barked orders.</p><p>Too numb to cry and too exhausted to run, Nott slumped down against the wall of the alleyway, the brick scraping her back as she sat on the chilling stones. She took a sip, deep and long, before wrapping her arms around her legs and pulling them to her chest in an ineffectual attempt to preserve warmth. As the wine kicked in, the chill in her bones morphed into a slight warmth, and the piercing anxiety in her chest dulled to an aching bruise. </p><p>She took another sip; cherry wine, the type Veth would drink before turning in for a rest filled night with her family. Nott reminisced about the cups in the cupboard of her home. Her favorite had been a clay one with golden streaks resembling cracks welded back together. She had liked tracing the patterns while listening to Yeza ramble about whatever he was fixated on that night.</p><p>One more sip, and she didn’t notice the tears running down her cheeks. Instead, she thought about her boy. She thought about his gaunt features at the camp and the way he had cried into her chest, holding onto her with all his strength, which had been very little. He had been small, too small. She would drown a hundred times to never see him that miserable again. She would drown a hundred times and a hundred times more to see him again.</p><p>One last sip, and she was laying on the cobblestone, curled in a tight ball of clammy skin and damp rags worn loosely, the bottle cradled to her chest.  The Crowns Guard were still looking for her. Not because she had stolen, but because of what she looked like. They were right, though. Goblins were monsters that should be hanged. She was a goblin. She would probably be hanged. This time, she did notice the tears running down her cheeks as the stinging in her eyes was the only sensation left, her whole body numb from alcohol and cold.</p><p>She shut her eyes, her muscles finally going lax. She had almost forgotten how peaceful the sound of pattering rain on the gutter could feel when you didn’t feel the rain pelting your body as well. Vaguely, she recognized that she was delirious from some sort of fever. Numbly, she thought that she should have stolen chicken soup instead of booze.</p><p>When someone roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet, she didn’t protest. It wouldn’t do any good. She was being dragged somewhere and she was going to die at the end. What was she supposed to do? It was raining.</p><p>Sleep wasn’t sleep. It was an in between place that was horrible and heavy. It was long and dark and people were talking but she was too drunk and sick to comprehend any of it.</p><p>She dreamed of water.</p><p>When she awoke she did the same thing she did every morning; she checked her hands to see if maybe the living nightmare had ended and she was a halfling again. It was a consistent setup for disappointment, but still, she checked.</p><p>Still green, still crooked, still broken and still wrong as usual, however when her eyes cleared, she noticed the manacles wrapped around her wrists. Numbly, she pulled her hands apart, feeling the chain go taut between her shaking fists. </p><p>Looking around her surroundings with half lidded eyes, she took in the jail cell around her. She was alone. Perhaps that was a small mercy.</p><p>Whether it was from the lasting fever, her new weird brain chemistry or her new situation, she couldn’t help bursting into choked sob, burying her face in her hands. Her tiny body trembled with the force of her sobs. When she had been with the goblins, making noise was a setup for being beat, so she had learned to gag herself before falling asleep so when she woke up from a nightmare, she wouldn’t wake anyone up. </p><p>She called upon that now, covering her lips that were more teeth than soft and, ignoring the pricks of blood gathering in beads on her palm, cried.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Collars/ Kidnapped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Canon Divergence. Obann has a new pet, and isn't keen on her running off.<br/>CW: brainwashing</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh, maybe you’re more useful than I thought,” Obann cooed, a sharp finger caringly caressing Nott’s chin. All her instincts screamed at her to fire and run, but she found herself petrified, feet stuck to the ground, and eyes wide and gazing into the devilish slits of Obann’s narrowed eyes. “This area grows dangerous. Come with me, we have business”</p><p>The effect of the spell crashed over in a wave, disorientation turning into confidence. With a new pin pointed focus, Nott returned to the battle, only now her allegiances turned to where they should have been all along. How silly it had been to fight him before. Obann was her friend and she needed to help him.</p><p>Quickly, she fired a bolt at Jester, who’s visage crackled and disappeared on impact, and ducked behind the alter. While she wanted to stay and finish the battle, Obann’s instructions had been to follow, and she wanted to make him happy. Complying with his order, she entered the hallway where Obann stood, a handsome smirk written across his mouth.</p><p>“Oh good, you came,” he commented, eyebrows raised slightly. “Come here, will you”</p><p>Wordlessly and easily, she took a step forward, standing tall below the looming figure of Obann. Head cocked, he reached a hand out, gently sweeping a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His touch was cold and rough, but he was gentle and she knew innately that he meant her no will. Looking on with bored fondness, Obann pulled her hair back and retrieved a ringed metal instrument that glowed faint orange celestial runes. </p><p>“I find myself loath to chain you like this, but our enemies have a unique skill set, and I simply could not bear losing you,” the devil explained, setting the shackle around her neck. It was clearly made for much larger creatures, so it rested loosely on the crook of her neck. “Lean your head down.”</p><p>With pure trust, Nott obliged and she heard the sound of a latch being closed. When she looked back up, the collar stayed, having been adjusted for her diminutive size. At the latch being closed and the collar in place, an unpleasant pulse of arcane energy pervaded her body, giving her a small jolt that passed quickly. </p><p>“What does it do?” she asked, blinking up at him with trusting, owlish eyes. </p><p>“If our enemies decide to take you from me, I can make it so you stay.” Obann peered over her head at the hallway behind them and turned to face her once more. “I think our friends will be in later. Let’s get a head start.”</p><p>As they walked, the sounds of the battle echoed through the narrow hallway, gradually fading into unintelligible, quiet noise. Despite the chaos she was walking away from, her mind was one track. She amused herself with inspecting the wall sconces and admiring the architecture of the cathedral. </p><p>Confidently, Obann led her through the winding caverns below the cathedral. The duo arrived in a closed room, and Obann shot her a cocky smirk before reaching into a basin and flipping a switch which caused a heavy stone door to slide open.</p><p>“It appears we will be having company sooner than I planned,” Obann commented, a dissatisfied look on his face. Nott frowned; whatever made him unhappy made her unhappy too, although she didn’t fully understand why. “Stand here and watch for trouble, will you darling? I think we may need to prepare for confrontation.”</p><p>Her eyes landed on the obelix which was the centerpiece of the room while Obann flew up to the ceiling. It was truly breathtaking, and despite not being able to read celestial, the sheer power that the item gave off was not lost on her. </p><p>Then, her mind was her own again.</p><p>Her eyes widened and panic hit her. Oh gods, what the fuck was she doing? She had followed the enemy and let him put something around her neck. Instinctually, her hands fluttered up to the collar around her neck, her breathing quickening in panic.</p><p>Luckily, as she did, she remembered that Obann was watching her, and she shot her fists to her side. He had said he had a way of ‘getting her to stay,’ and apparently that didn’t mean brainwashed.</p><p>
  <em>”Nott,” </em> Caleb’s voice echoed in her mind.<em> “We are in a hallway, all of us are here. Do not reply to this message.” </em>
</p><p>Nott’s eyes shot to the hallway, where she could see her friend’s poorly hiding, then back up to Obann who seemed to be inspecting a piece of paper. Over the next few tense minutes, the duo communicated to the best of their ability without revealing Nott’s altered state. Terror still gripped her heart knowing that Obann was still present.</p><p>The moment Yasha’s foot hit the cobblestone, Nott fired off a bolt and sprinted to the corner in an attempt to maintain the visage of being mind controlled. Around her chaos erupted, but she was still trying to remove the collar. Obann was invisible, so she couldn’t see where he was.</p><p>Her hands ran over the collar, her hands searching for some sort of latch or button, coming up short. Not knowing what to do, she ran to Caleb, knowing he was the best versed in arcane implements. His attention was preoccupied, so she grabbed at his sleeve, a panicked look in her eyes. </p><p>“Caleb,” she urged, looking back up at the moment Obann appeared, his eyes locked onto her. Panic still coursing through her veins, she tightened her grip. “Caleb the collar.”</p><p>Caleb’s sightline followed from where Obann was looking, and he looked curiously at her. “What is it?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know he put it on-” she explained, her voice strained. “I- it’s magic. I c-can’t get it off.”</p><p>Suddenly, a pulse of energy wracked her body, spawning from the collar. It was similar to the one before when it had been put on, but to a much, much harsher degree, causing her to fall to the floor with a scream. Electricity coursed through her veins in horrible waves. </p><p>Tears streaming down her face, she tried to grab at it once more. The pain was blinding and even through her distracted thoughts, she knew her hands were shaking too violently to actually do anything. Her fingertips touched the metal, and like touching the metal of a screaming kettle, she her hands back, her fingertips numb.</p><p>“Scheisse, I don’t-” Caleb was holding her shoulders and propping her up, searching over the collar fervently. He looked over her shoulder and responded to someone who had spoken, but Nott could barely focus on Caleb, let alone anyone else. “Dispell Magic didn’t work.” a pause. “I don’t have any more fifth levels!”</p><p>The intensity of the energy spiked and she whimpered, curling into herself, still being propped up by Caleb’s larger hands. She squeezed her eyes shut and trembled, focusing intently on not passing out. She could feel the hands holding her tighten and she was grateful for the anchor keeping her connected to reality. Through hazy, tear filled eyes, she watched Caleb use his free hand to send off a firebolt into the center of the room, still holding her with his other arm. </p><p>There was a flash of blue and Jester was in front of Nott, eyes scanning over the collar. Even in her wrecked state, Nott could tell Jester was trying to seem less scared than she really was. Jester looked at Nott’s face, then back down at the collar and steadied herself. </p><p>Jester flinched violently as she grabbed the metal, but stayed resolute in her task as she announced each divine syllable clearly and concisely. There was a dramatic flash of green energy, then, anticlimactically, a click sounded and the collar fell off, clattering to the floor unceremoniously. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Jester asked, hands fluttering over Nott’s trembling body.</p><p>“Fuck.” was all Nott got out before passing out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wow, day 2 and already late. I SWEAR I WAS REALLY BUSY YESTERDAY lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Manhandled</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Canon Compliant/ pre stream: Goblin's aren't particularly welcome in the empire and Nott makes a friend<br/>CW: fantasy racism, abuse</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Shit, the goblin hasn’t eaten him yet.”</p><p>“Ha! I fuckin’ called it. You owe me 5 silver.”</p><p>“In your fuckin’ dreams. Wait, lemme try roughin it up or somethin’”</p><p>“Fine, but when it scratches your eye out don’t come bitchin’ to me, aight?”</p><p>Nott’s eyes flickered up from her knees to the guards who stood outside the cell. The human one pulled out a ring of very shiny keys and began thumbing through the stack. The guard closest to cell was a sun tanned stocky human with scratchy unkempt beard. He wore the same guard uniform as his black haired half elven companion who took a step back and folded his arms, a cocky smirk crossing his lips.</p><p>Piecing together what was about to happen, panic filled Nott’s body as the proper key unlocked the door to the musty cell she shared with the human. In the corner of the room, her cellmate glanced up. Noticing that their attention was locked on the goblin and not him, he promptly looked back down. She leaned back further into her corner, pulling her knees closer to her chest, feeling the quickening beating of her heart pounding against her ribcage.</p><p>“Oh c’mon lil’ beastie, don’t hide,” the foul human taunted while walking forward, grinning with all of his crooked teeth. She could practically smell the ale on his breath from all the way across the room. “I ain’t gonna bite. I’m not a <em>goblin. </em>”</p><p>Trying to ignore the upset churning feeling in her stomach at his unfortunately correct classification, she pressed her back further into the wall until there was literally no way to move further away from him.</p><p>“I- I didn’t do anything,” she pleaded, her voice hoarse from underuse. “Please just-”</p><p>Her inoperative plea fell on deaf ears as she felt herself be roughly yanked into the air by her shirt. Instinctually, she kicked out, trying to free herself from his grip, but the attempt resulted in a stunning blow to the nose, sending her reeling.</p><p>Dazed, she looked down at the floor where the blood from her nose dripped onto cobblestone. Shock was replaced with pain as the ache to her presumably broken nose set it, the pain burning hot and covering a large area. She tried her best to ignore the prickling of tears in the corners of her eyes, knowing crying would result in a harsher punishment.</p><p>“Fuckin’ look at me you little shit.” A calloused hand grabbed her chin, forcing her to face him. Biting back her disgust, she begrudgingly met his eyes. “That’s better. Really, I dunno what’s takin’ the law master so long, but I’d say you got another week max before they hang you in the square and put your head on a stick outside town.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that another bet?” the half elf piped up from outside the cell, a sadistic look of amusement at her fear in his eye.</p><p>“Cannit asshole,” the human retorted. “My sister was killed on the road by feral goblins. They oughta kill the lot of you. Would do the rest of us a whole hell of a favor.”</p><p>“I- I’m sorry,” Nott tried desperately, her voice weak and filled with fear. “But I’m not a-”</p><p>She saw the exact moment she fucked up by the way his nostrils flared. She barely had time to brace for impact before hitting the wall, her small form smacking the brick with a resounding crack. Dazed and disoriented, she tried to sit up and get her bearings again, but before she could she felt a tugging at her hair.</p><p>The stinging on her scalp was arduous and her breath caught in her throat. Her hands moved up to try to scratch her way free, but she could do little more than struggle as he tugged, dragging her into the air.</p><p> “The empire is truly churning out their very worst these days. Shameful really.” A rough, accented voice spoke up from the corner. Blinking, Nott remembered that there was someone else in the room with them. In truth, she had completely forgotten about her cellmate, who up until now, she had assumed was mute. He sat straighter than she’d seen him sit before, a look of contempt in his eyes much too condescending for anyone in rags and in jail.</p><p>At those words, the hand holding Nott’s hair released its hold and she barely managed to stop her chin from hitting the floor as she fell. The moment she could, she scrambled away from her assailant back into her corner, her eyes trained on the guard and the man.</p><p>“The fuck did you just say to me?” the human spat, his attention now fully turned away from the goblin who cupped her bleeding nose, eyes wide and watching.</p><p>“Oh, me?” the ginger said, feigning a mocking ignorance. “Nothing.”</p><p>The guards face turned a shade of purple more indicative of suffocation than rage, and Nott stifled a laugh at the expression he wore as he stomped over to the man. </p><p>“You got any comments on how I run my jail?” he asked, snarling. Nott was almost certain this guy wasn’t in charge of the cell, let alone the jail.</p><p>“No officer,” the human responded.</p><p>The guard waited for the prisoner to say something else, but when he didn’t receive another quip, placed his hands on his side. “That’s fuckin’ right. And if I catch you speaking up again, I won’t let you off easy.”</p><p> </p><p>Nott wanted more than anything to call bullshit at the fact that she hadn’t done anything and had been antagonized, but her cellmate had gone out of his way to antagonize him and hadn’t been punished at all. However, she wasn’t stupid enough to draw anymore attention to herself and stayed quiet, watching the guard storm out of the cell in a huff.</p><p>After waiting for the sounds of muffled bickering between the guards to dissipate down the hallway until she was certain they were alone, she coughed and said, “Thank you.”</p><p>The human blinked, looking over at her. “Ja.”</p><p>An awkward moment of silence passed before Nott spoke up once more, desperate to talk to another person.</p><p>“That was ballsy as shit,” she commented after a somewhat awkward silence. </p><p>“Ja, well what are they going to do? Throw me in prison?” he quipped sarcastically, waving vaguely around the room. Nott barked out a laugh before slapping a calloused hand over her mouth, wary not to earn to ire of the guards unnecessarily. Even in the dim light, she could see the faintest twitch in the corners of his mouth. </p><p>“My name is Nott by the way.”</p><p>The human seemed to consider something for a moment before saying, “My name is ehm- Caleb. Caleb Widogast.”</p><p>Nott leaned across the room, ignoring the aching of her chest and extended a shaky hand. Caleb looked down at it with muted bewilderment and suspicion before reaching out and shaking it.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>“It is nice to meet you as well, Nott.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"i love Nott!" i say as i continuously punch her in the face. "she's my favorite character!"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Caged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jester POV- pre vethification, during time spent in Rexxentrum, Jester decides to rope Nott into another vandalism centered escapade for the traveler. Minor Beau/jester because i love them<br/>CW: panic attacks</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the incident in Zadash, Jester really should have been more wary about her church pranking endeavors. However, when she saw the easily climbable stone wall guarding the church to the Dawn Father that sat stationed at the center of Rexxentrum, she simply couldn’t refuse the call to adventure. And with that, she simply couldn’t resist enticing Nott with the promise of shinies to get her to join.</p><p>Things went wrong quickly, as things tended to do when chaos was the objective, and Jester was forced to reconsider her plans. When the Agents of the Dawnfather tackled Nott away from Jester and dragged the goblin off kicking and screaming, she couldn’t help but wonder if possibly, just maybe, breaking into a heavily guarded church and vandalizing a sacred temple wasn’t the best idea of how to spend a friday night.</p><p>In a panic, she had ran back to the Nein’s shared residence and employed Beauregard for the rescue mission, avoiding Caleb’s confused look when he saw them rush out the door. Doubling back to the church, Jester casted pass without a trace and silently, they crept through the window. The prior panic from her and Nott’s original escapade had died down a bit as those working at the temple must have thought the chaos was over. Because of this, slipping past a few guards was a simple task.</p><p>Jester sighed deeply, pressing her back against the wall next to Beauregard. While her confidence regarding her knowledge about guard rotations was low, she knew the next patrol would take a few minutes at the very least. Jester took a deep breath and cast ‘Sending,’ Beauregard preparing her fingers to count.</p><p>“Nott. This is Jester. We are here.” Realising that Nott wouldn’t know who ‘we’ referred to, she clarified. “Beau is with me. Where are you?”</p><p>Jester looked up to the human who whispered, “That was fourteen.”</p><p>“Oh fuck,” Jester responded. “Uhm… doo doo… doo de doo, doo doo da!”</p><p>Beauregard buried her face in her hands as Jester anxiously waited for a response. After a moment, one came.</p><p>“I- I don’t- I don’t know, it’s-uhm- i-it’s dark. I-I can’t- I-I’m in a-in a cage. There were people-humans. T-they-”</p><p>Panic spiked further in Jester’s at the response, her heart going cold in her chest at the tone of Nott’s voice. Each vowel wavered violently, daring to tip over into crying. Nott’s scratchy voice was breathy, choked, and scared. She knew Nott and her mannerisms well enough to know that the goblin was in the middle of a panic attack. </p><p>“Oh shit,” she breathed. Beauregard cocked her head, prompting for some sort of explanation. “We need to go now.”</p><p>Just then, Jester overheard the distant sound of metal shoes clacking down the hallway. Covering Beauregard’s mouth with her hand, she peered around the corner just in time to see a metal door close. Outside the door, down the long corridor, two cloaked, humanoid fingers spoke, their voices hushed.</p><p>“Law master will be in tomorrow to be rid of the beast. I’ve no idea how the thing managed to wreak such havoc in the first place,” the first cloaked figure said.</p><p>The other figure sighed and responded, “I informed the head minister of the flaw in security months ago and he dismissed it. If this doesn’t get his attention, I’m not sure what will.”</p><p>“Stubborn old prick, isn’t he?” the first figure replied as the two continued their path. Jester, knowing Beauregard wasn’t aware of what was happening, pushed the two of them further into the shadows, holding her breath.</p><p> </p><p>As the pair of shadowed men walked out of the corridor into the next one, she overhead the last one saying, “Yeah, but he’s the only cleric we’ve got. Best not earn his ire should you wish to continue your work here.”</p><p>After she was absolutely sure there was no risk of being caught, she exhaled, allowing Beauregard to breathe as well. Nodding to Beauregard, Jester rushed down the hallway to the door where the figures had entered from, Beauregard following in toe.</p><p>Quietly, Jester pushed open the door.</p><p>Before she could take in the room, a sharp, assertive female voice cried, “Hey! You’re not supposed to be in here.”</p><p>The woman’s cries were quickly cut off as Beauregard knocked her unconscious in a lightning fast blow, the sole, unarmored female guard crumpling to the dingy cobblestone floor unceremoniously. </p><p>“Okay,” Beauregard said, clapping her hands together. “That’s taken care of. Now, where’s-”</p><p>Beauregard’s question was quickly answered by the panicked squeak that came from the corner of the room. Jester’s relieved smile dropped the instant she saw the terrified look from the goblin who sat huddled in the corner of a cage. The guilt she had been repressing before magnifying ten fold. </p><p>Beauregard was more proactive and rushed forward to start working on the lock, pulling out the lockpicking kit she had raided from Nott’s room before they had left.</p><p>“Shit dude, are you okay? Did something happen?” Beauregard asked, opening the door to the cage. The instant the door was open, Nott lunged forward to grab onto Beauregard, claws digging into her arms as she trembled. “Are- are you claustrophobic?”</p><p>Nott flinched and buried her face into Beauregard further, the human concernedly patting her smaller friend's bony back. After a moment, a weak scratchy voice spoke up, saying, “It- the cage. I-It’s like before. It’s like the goblins.”</p><p>This answered all questions Jester could have had, and shaking out of her shock, she surged forward and scooped the trembling goblin into her arms. This was entirely her fault. She should have never dragged Nott into this. She hadn’t even thought about Nott’s past with being imprisoned. </p><p>In between whispering apologies, she cast a Cure Wounds, cuddling the goblin closer to her chest. </p><p>“Shit,” Beauregard swore, peering out the door. “Someone’s coming. Quick, dimension door out of here.”</p><p>“What? I can’t leave you?” Jester urged. Little claws dug into her arm and she looked down at Nott.</p><p>“No no no,” she whimpered. “I don’t- please don’t make me go back in there.”</p><p>Jester’s face crumpled and her heart squeezed, her guilt for subjecting her friend to this sort of thing becoming acid in her throat. Beauregard must have noticed, as she took Jester’s hand enough to jolt her out of her state.</p><p>“Nobody's going to make you go back, okay? You’re safe now. I’ve got you,” Jester reassured.</p><p>“You need to get her out of here. Look, I’ll be fine. I’m stealthy as shit. I’ll be fine, okay?” Beauregard urged. Jester swallowed down the arguments that arose from her heart and nodded tightly.</p><p>Beauregard leaned forward and quickly kissed Jester on the lips before ducking through the door. Jester took a deep breath and cast dimension door, envisioning the gate outside the church. Holding Nott even tighter to her chest, she stepped through the door, preparing for whatever was on the other side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>fellas is it gay to go on a stealth mission with ur gf to save ur friend?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Rescue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nott POV- Nott is paralyzed during battle<br/>CW: suffocation</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott watched as the green energy of an Eldritch Blast passed overhead, the arcane energy colliding with a stalactite. It reminded her of stargazing as a child. However, the magic of the moment was severely detracted from when she was paralyzed and bleeding out on the forest floor. </p><p>Her body laid prone and she could feel the blood from the gash running up her torso pooling around her, soaking into her clothing in a way that meant she would need a special bleach to fix it. She had been so certain Caleb had killed the last of the Grell’s, but apparently one had managed  to survive the onslaught of fire magic.</p><p>What scared her wasn’t the way the numbness was working it’s way up to her chest or the blood soaking into her sleeves. No, what scared her was that she had been invisible up until being knocked down, and even with Jester and Caduceus’s insanely high perception, they would have no way of knowing where her body had fallen. She had fallen behind the base of a tree, her small, injured form sandwiched between the trunk and the log of another tree. </p><p>Breathing was gradually getting more difficult, and her rasps came out more struggling and shallow than normal. Her heart was beating rapidly despite the feeling of being covered by a heavy weight caused by the poison. Sleep prodded at the corners of her mind, a desire she immediately dismissed. </p><p>A bolt of fire streaked overhead, hitting the tree she was situated under. The blast carved a sizable chunk out of the tree, pieces of bark raining down onto the prone goblin’s body. With the pieces of bark, embered gently floated down. One rested on her forehead and painfully extinguished itself on her clammy skin. The rest of the embers fell around her, a few landing on her arms, but her appendages were too numb to recognize the pain. After a minute, ash began to fall, Nott unwillingly inhaling the grey soot. </p><p>Around her, the sounds of battle died down until she could only hear the labored breaths of her friends. </p><p>“Is that all of them?” Fjord asked loudly from somewhere to her left. The aching in her chest now felt like crushing and keeping her eyes open was becoming difficult.</p><p>“I think so, but we should get going before more show up,” Beauregard suggested. “Is anyone hurt really bad?”</p><p>Nott’s eyes shut, the weight and exhaustion calling her to sleep. The ash in her lungs burned and each shallow breath increased the pain. The blood that had been gushing from her stomach had clotted somewhat, but it was still in heavy need of mending.</p><p>“Where’s Nott? The battle’s over?” Jester asked, her musical voice sounding distant. Nott couldn’t tell whether this was because the group was further away in distance or if the poison had somehow affected her brain, but neither were good options. </p><p>A moment passed before she heard clearly in her head, “<em>Ehm- Nott, where are you? You may respond to this message.</em>”</p><p>There was a quiet silence, Nott noticing a slight tingle in her fingertips as she waited, her mind heavy and her thoughts clouded by smoke. Her breathing was so shallow that she wasn’t getting enough oxygen.</p><p>“<em>Nott, hallo, this is your friend Caleb Widogast. I may have not made that clear in that last message. Where are you currently? Please respond to this message.</em>”</p><p>Another pause. Nott started to question why she was staying awake when sleep sounded so favorable.</p><p>“She is- she is not responding. Something is wrong- I don’t- Jester can you scry?” Caleb’s words were rushed and panicked.</p><p>“Fuck,” Beauregard swore. “She couldn’t have gotten far, right? Who’s the last person who saw her?”</p><p>“I’m gonna start looking,” Yasha announced.</p><p>Finally, Nott’s lungs gave out, the ash finally suffocating her. The feeling was horrible, different than drowning, but simply a different circle of hell. Terror shot through her heart, her body pleading for her to breath, but she couldn’t even open her eyes let alone inhale. She took those agony filled moments to plead to every god in her repertoire, which really only included The Wildemother and The Traveler (and weirdly Uk’utoa.) </p><p>“I found her!” Fjord’s voice called out, loud and annoying. “Nott are you- oh fuck.”</p><p>What had started out as a relieved announcement changed to absolute horror.</p><p>“You found her?” Jester responded. “Is she unconscious?”</p><p>“I- she’s not moving.” Large hands grabbed her and manhandled her into a sitting position, the simple movement causing a horrible aching all over her body.  “Jester she’s not breathing.”</p><p>There were noises and a bit of muffled talking and her lungs hurt so bad. Then; there were hands on her chest and divine words were being uttered and Nott inhaled.</p><p>She could only remember one other time she had been that relieved to breathe.</p><p>Instantly, she pushed out of Fjord’s grasp and began coughing violently, her arms propping her up. Her entire body trembled and tears flowed from her eyes as she tried to expel the ash in her lungs. Vaguely she recognized hands touching her back and people talking, but her mind was one track.</p><p>“Water,” she finally managed to rasp, her own voice broken and terrible. </p><p>The lips of a waterskin were pressed to her lips and someone helped her drink. Everything was so much all at once and her entire body still hurt so much. </p><p>Her tears managed to clear her eyes enough to look up at the worried, crumpled expression on Caleb’s face. His hands tenderly cupped her cheeks while his thumbs gently wiped away tears. </p><p>“I didn’t know you were there,” he explained, his voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.” </p><p>“It’s-” she had meant to reassure him, to tell him it wasn’t his fault and that it was her fault for even getting paralyzed, but the moment she spoke, she began coughing again.</p><p>Her body wracked with the intensity of her shaking, she was scooped into Caleb’s arms, her head pillowed against his chest as he stroked her hair soothingly.</p><p>Despite her breaths still being wheezing and weak, she felt the exhaustion set back in, and her eyes closed once more. Soft hands touched her hands and she felt a health potion being administered, the gash on her stomach being fully healed as a result. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Caleb whispered one more time. They were walking now, she thought.</p><p>“‘S not your fault,” she whispered, her voice nearly inaudible. She hadn’t even noticed how light headed she was until trying to speak in fully formulated sentences. “‘S never your fault. I love you.”</p><p>There was a pause before she heard, “I love you too.”</p><p>Then, she finally fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay listen- not every fic is gonna follow the prompt to a t- especially when it's super vague</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Beaten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yasha is charmed. Again. This time her sights are set on a scared goblin.<br/>CW: brainwashing</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott saw Yasha’s eyes glaze over the moment she looked up. Unfortunately, it was a look she had seen in the barbarian’s eyes a few times before.</p><p>Any sympathy Nott had for her companion was quickly forgotten the moment a powerful fist punched her in the face, sending her skidding backwards into the dust. Coming to a stop, she pulled out a bolt and began reloading her crossbow, all the while crawling backwards. </p><p>Yasha loomed forward, taking heavy intimidating steps towards the goblin, who shakily pointed her crossbow at the domineering figure.</p><p>“Sorry Yasha!” Nott squeaked, firing the crossbow bolt directly at the aasimar. Whether it was from Yasha’s heightened state due to rage, or Nott’s own shaky hands, the crossbow simply ricocheted off the chestplate, clattering to the ground unceremoniously. </p><p>A bit of blood fell from her nose and onto the ground below as Nott was hoisted into the air by her collar, kicking and squirming to try to free herself. She braced herself for another punch to the face.</p><p>Unfortunately, she had not been preparing for a powerful jab straight to her throat. Nott’s eyes opened wide, all the breath knocked out from her body. Her hands, which had been tearing at Yasha’s arms, went to her throat and she grasped it in vain.</p><p>There was another blow to her face, and her left eye quickly began to swell shut, but she was too focused on trying to breathe to notice. There was a loud noise and Yasha was hit with a heavy blow to the side.</p><p>Nott was dropped, and instantly she scrambled backwards, pressing her back against a wall. Tears trickled down her cheeks, although she wasn’t crying. There had to be some sort of serious damage there, a busted or crushed windpipe, because her breath was not coming back.</p><p>Reminded that she was, in fact, in the middle of a battle, she looked up just in time to see Jester run up to her, in the process setting a hand on Yasha’s arm and casting a spell. Nott watched, rasping, as Yasha shook her head, palms to her temples. </p><p>Reminded once again of her own situation, Nott reached out and latched onto Jester’s arm as the tiefling crouched next to her, accessing the damage. The broken nose and the black eyes were nothing compared to the horrible, desperate noises coming from Nott’s mouth. Even Jester flinched in sympathy as she rested a caring hand gently on Nott’s bruised throat.</p><p>Uttering a few divine words, the structure was restored and Nott inhaled gratefully. Jester beamed before noticing Caleb being hounded by a small pack of undead and running off, brandishing her spiritual lollipop.</p><p>Nott took a minute to recover, loading her crossbow as she reclaimed her lost breath. She looked up to oversee the battle, and even through the chaos, she could see Yasha looking at her, a look of shame and guilt on the aasimar’s face.</p><p>Their eyes met and Yasha mouthed, “sorry,” before turning back to the fray and bringing skin gorger down on the head of an assailant. </p><p>Well, at least she was back on their side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh yeah, Yasha gets to suffer too. we're inclusive here at the Nott-tober whump center. &lt;3<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Enemy to Caretaker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fjord POV- Fjord brings a drunk Nott up to bed<br/>CW: alcoholism</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fjord was snapped out of his mediation by a thud outside his door. The half orc rolled his eyes as he slouched against the base of the bed from where he sat on the floor. Fjord was annoyed. He had just really gotten into meditation, and it had taken so long to get there.</p><p>He groaned and rubbed at his temples with his middle and pointer fingers. It was certainly too late to be awake, but life at the Xhorhouse had been slow as of late so a few lost hours of sleep weren’t a huge detriment. Unfortunately, he really didn’t get a chance to meditate during the day with the constant hustle and interruptions from his roommates. </p><p>He padded over to the door, stretching as he walked, and opened the door.</p><p>“What the-” he started, scrubbing at his eye with the back of his hand. “Nott, what the fuck are you doing?”</p><p>Nott’s luminous, golden eyes blinked up at him, her usual red slits unfocused circles that dilated rapidly to adjust to the new sight. The goblin was currently laying on the floor, curled up and looking surprisingly comfortable for her position.</p><p>“Fjord!” She slurred, beaming at his arrival. “Hiyuh.”</p><p>Very, very quickly, Fjord understood what was going on.</p><p>“You’re really enjoying the new bar on the roof Beau installed, aren’t you?” He cocked an eyebrow, folding his arms. Nott blinked in response. “Are you going up to bed?”</p><p>“Hmn?” She mumbled. “Nah, I’m gonna sleep here.”</p><p>Fjord wasn’t Caleb, and as such, didn’t have a precise internal clock running in his head at all times. However, he did have a headache that told him she was tumbling around the house at 2 am. And, exhausted as he was, he wasn’t going to just let Nott pass out on the floor.</p><p>“You want Caleb’s room or yours?” Fjord asked, scooping her off the ground. She hung limp in his grasp, allowing her body to be malleable as he tucked her into his arms.</p><p> She seemed to consider this, scrunching her nose and squinting her eyes, before lighting up and responding, “Lebby.”</p><p>“Lebby it is,” Fjord sighed. She cheered weakly before nuzzling into his arm and getting comfortable. </p><p>Despite her constant jokes, Fjord really wasn’t weak, and Nott weighed at most 40 pounds, so carrying her up a flight of stairs should not have been an issue. However, when the bundle you were cradling was a squirming, drunken goblin, things got more difficult.</p><p>“Will-” his words cut off as her locked straight arm collided with his face, her palms pawing at his cheek. “-will you stop squirming?”</p><p>“Fjord, I can’t reach my flask,” she whined, pouting. </p><p>“Gods, no. No more booze,” he scolded. “You’ve had more than enough. Someone should have been watching you to make sure this sort of thing didn’t happen.”</p><p>He had meant to say that last part only to himself, but by the look of confusion on her face, she must have heard. In truth, everyone was trying to help Nott with her drinking. Jester was the most verbal and proactive, while Caleb watched from the sidelines, balancing his own insecurities with his responsibility to his friend, resulting in a philosophical stalemate, causing the human to remain stagnant. The others were trying to help as well. Beauregard would water down her drinks whenever she didn’t drink from the flask, Caduceus would intercept her throughout the day to make sure she was drinking water, and even Yasha would remind her of the time of day or how much she had already had.</p><p>It was in no way Fjord’s place to speak on her issues. Nott had a whole world of trauma and dysphoria and fear he wasn’t privy to understanding, but, unfortunately, Fjord loved Nott. She was one of his closest friends, and despite the teasing, he would lay down his life for her like he would the rest of the group. That’s why it hurts so badly to see her destroy herself in front of him, both the body and mind she hated so much being deteriorated by their unwilling hostage.</p><p>“‘M not a kid,” she grumbled petulantly, rolling over in his arms to press her face against his forearm, sharp teeth just barely pressing into skin. “Don’t need a babysitter.”</p><p>Fjord suppressed a fond smile as he reached the door to Caleb’s room. Careful not to jostle the small form cradled in his arms, he rapped on the wooden door three times. There was a silence, then the sound of footsteps. The door creaked open and Fjord was met with a disgruntled, unkempt wizard, his hair falling from his ponytail.</p><p>“Ja?” He groaned, squinting at Fjord. “It is 2:23. What do you need?”</p><p>“Uhh, delivery,” Fjord said, nodding down to Nott, who stayed still. Fjord got the impression she was either asleep or somewhere near that point. Either way, not good to interrupt.</p><p>Caleb looked down, his eyes adjusting. Fjord could pinpoint the exact moment Caleb made out the shape in his arms, because the softening look of fondness that came over the wizards face belonged only to Nott. Noticing Fjord was watching his reaction, Caleb coughed, wiping a hand down his face and subsequently clearing his expression, although the faint blush that had crept onto his cheeks remained.</p><p>“Ehm- her room is down the hall,” he pointed out, awkwardly. </p><p>Fjord was way too tired to deal with whatever this was. “Yeah, but she asked to be brought to your room.” seeing the look of surprise, confusion and embarrassment, Fjord tacked on, “I don’t know man. I’m just the messenger.”</p><p>“Ah… okay. I can… uhm,” Caleb stammered, stretching his arms out slightly. Carefully, Fjord passed over Nott, who shifted and chirruped slightly, but did not rouse. Caleb looked back down, smiling fondly as Nott’s ear twitched, before remembering Fjord was still there and blinking away his affection. “I am sorry for the disturbance. Thank you for bringing her up.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Fjord waved off. Caleb stepped backward and began closing the door before Fjord spoke up once more. “Make sure she drinks some water.”</p><p>Caleb nodded, solemnly but still with a look of tenderness. “Ja, I will make sure she is taken care of. Thank you Fjord.”</p><p>“No problem.”</p><p>Finally, Fjord was left alone in the hallway, a noticeable weight missing from his arms. He frowned to himself at the loss, before heading back to bed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>!! thank you all so much for the support so far !! ur comments mean so much 2 me &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Isolation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- Nott is separated from the group.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott banged the back of her head against the stone wall, palms rubbing at her cheeks. It was her fault for getting separated from the group. She hadn’t checked for traps, and as a result, the door had shut in between her and the group just as an assault was jumped on the nein.</p><p>The room she was trapped in was small and dank, and even with her darkvision, she couldn’t see anything of use. More concerning than her current location was the fact that she couldn’t hear the battle going on. She didn’t know if it was still happening or if all of her friends were all dead.</p><p>She didn’t know a lot about runes, but based on the fact that none of her pleading messages were getting through, she got the impression it had some sort of dispelling magic on it. Nott hit the back of her head against the wall once more. She had already searched the room multiple times over, finding nothing in her detailed investigations.</p><p>The room was cold, and Nott found herself shivering. Resting her forehead on her knees, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, trying to preserve warmth. Yes, it was her fault for getting separated, but that didn’t detract from the fear and loneliness.</p><p>Even when it had come to the water, she had been willing to hop in so she could defend her friends. But now, she wasn’t given that choice. </p><p>Nott didn’t have an internal clock like Caleb, but too much time had passed and her slight shivering had turned into full, teeth chattering shaking. She gently hit her head against the wall once more, nothing happening as a result. </p><p>More times passed, minutes or hours, and eventually the wire fell from her numb hands, her fingers too stiff to hold on longer. She wished she had a fire.</p><p>It had been hours. Literal hours. No word from Jester or Caleb or anyone. Her whole body was numb and she wondered distantly if she had unwittingly subjected her friends to death with her mistake.</p><p>The ground was cold when she layed on it, but so was everything else, and this way her butt didn’t hurt as much. Golden eyes flickered shut, and Nott waited.</p><p>She could wait. For rescue or for death, she wasn’t sure, but either way, she could wait.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hhhh ambiguous angst</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Super super early days Caleb and Nott- CALEB POV</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caleb didn’t dream. He couldn’t equate that fact as a result of his time in the asylum as he remembered explaining to his mother as a child.that he didn’t dream.</p><p>What once he had considered a missed opportunity or detriment, he now appreciated as a small mercy, a small yet significant break from the troubles that plagued him in his waking hours. On the road where he slept alone, he slept lightly, a dagger or spell component clasped in a hand, either ready to be sprung the moment his alarm went off.</p><p>However, Caleb Widogast no longer slept alone. In his travels he had somehow managed to acquire a little goblin girl, a fact that in his mind truly showed how far he had fallen. The thing was flighty, twitchy and her voice was grating. She pulled upon a seemingly endless amount of energy, energy only dampened by her excessive drinking.</p><p>Caleb couldn’t complain, nor was he in any place to judge her. Despite her flaws, she was tiers above the trash that he was. In fact, on nights when he truly tried to focus on her companionship, he found himself more and more endeared with her behaviors. What were once annoyances were turned to unique little quirks. What he felt was not affection or care, but he hated to admit that the goblin was growing on him like overgrown moss. Part of him wanted to scrape it off, remove the thing entirely, but the stronger, louder part of his psyche screamed of it’s lonliness, of it’s need for companionship, no matter how lowly either member involved were.</p><p>Quickly after breaking out, he had realized that should she want him dead, there was little he could do to prevent it. She was stronger, quicker, and extremely bright (the sort of brightness in the eyes of the children at the Soltryce Academy. The sort of brightness that could be exploited by someone like Ikithon.) After only a couple of weeks, he allowed her into the silver thread. She could have robbed him blind a long time ago and she still could, so at least this way she’d trust him a bit longer (and perhaps he could be the one to rob her blind first. Now there was a thought.)</p><p>Strangely, he had been the one to bring up huddling for warmth. Stranger still was her reaction. She got flustered quickly, cheeks turning an almost emerald shade as she sputtered out a few somewhat accusatory questions. After calmly and rationally explaining to her that it was utilitarian, for warmth and nothing else (and certainly not a projection of his own touch starvation,) she obliged. That was one thing he appreciated; that she listened to logic and reasoning despite her own impulsive nature. It made her easy to work with.</p><p>The tension in the air that night was palpable, both participants fullyknowing what was to happen but neither wanting to confront it openly. Nott downed the rest of her whiskey, off handedly made a comment about needing to buy more (he found it strange that her first suggestion was buying it legally when they had done nothing but steal for weeks,) and then fiddled with her newest trinket; a small enamel pin with a yellow flower detailed in cheap jewels. Meanwhile, Caleb set up the alarm, poorly convincing himself that he wasn’t selfish to want to be warm and that he wasn’t inflicting himself onto her. He almost convinced himself that his hands weren’t shaking at the prospect of touch, however, this automatically failed when he messed up the incantation and had to restart.</p><p>Caleb laid down first. The silence in their little camp was deafening, and Caleb was right about to spiral (what the fuck do you think you’re doing? This is idiotic. You don’t need a fucking goblin for warmth. Just kill it like a good little soldier and be on your way) before Nott layed down, rolling onto his coat.</p><p>She wasn’t touching him, but that meant nothing as instantly he was forced to acknowledge what he had been repressing all day. Caleb was so lonely. And, as hard as he tried to convince himself otherwise whenever he caught himself smiling at her rambling stories or stupid jokes, he didn’t want her to leave. She was the first person that he had simply tolerated him in so long. </p><p>He began to tremble. He was such filth, to even think about wanting comfort or kindness was insane. But the goblin, Nott the Brave, wasn’t moving away. She was laying next to him, stiff and holding her breath, but still laying next to him. His feelings were nebulous and sickening and he was too far in his own head to be rational.</p><p>There was a small patting noise and all of Caleb’s thoughts stopped at once. Slowly, he looked down to see where the goblin had rested her forehead against his chest. Instinct overriding trepidation, he rested a hand on her arm. Her bony arm was freezing cold even through the layers of tightly wound bandages. Caleb’s own trembling was halted, the wizard deathly terrified of ruining the moment.</p><p>He waited for a few minutes for the other shoe to drop. A few minutes turned into a few hours and when her breathing evened out, he was forced to recognize that there was no knife in the back incoming, that his (pathetic) need for touch wasn’t going to be met with a cosmic punishment from the gods.</p><p>Eventually, the flames of their small campfire dampened to embers, the change in temperature being quite noticeable. With a small kick, Nott moved closer into his chest. Too exhausted to deal with the incessant reminders that he was filth unworthy of closeness of any kind, he wrapped his arm further around her, pulling her closer. With her warm, grounding weight there, Caleb fell into sleep, sleep more restful than he had experienced in a very long time.</p><p>The weight of slumber was torn away by a sharp pain to his chest. Instantly, his mind reacted. The alarm should have alerted him of any intruders, and he had been certain it was set properly. His eyes shot open, and he was about the jump up before he realized what the feeling was.</p><p>Below him, small claws were gripping his shirt tightly, sharp nails poking at his skin. He blinked again, his poor human vision slowly adjusting to the dark to make out the details clearer.</p><p>Nott was holding onto him, her face contorted in fear and her lips parted ever so slightly. Her small body trembled, not from the cold, but from fear. Her leg kicked out just slightly, her knee catching him in the stomach.</p><p>Not sure of what to do, but knowing he wanted to go back to sleep, Caleb gently took her hands. Very softly, he began to try to coerce her fingers from their deathgrip. This resulted in her instead grabbing onto his hands, her small digits wrapping around his pointer fingers.</p><p>Bewildered,taken aback and still groggy from just being awakened, he just stared. The logical part of his brain knew that she was just grabbing onto the nearest thing for comfort, that it was unconscious and that it had nothing to do with him. However, the (stupid,) empathetic part of him wanted to help. She was frightened often, in big crowds or when being confronted, but it was never this naked and apparent. She looked vulnerable and desperate, and he almost felt like he was intruding by seeing such a raw, human display of emotion.</p><p>It was immensely strange. Everything he learned about her made him think the people who wrote about goblins had no idea what they were talking about. No historian had ever written about goblins who were funny and kind and protective, and certainly no historian had ever written about goblins who had nightmares.</p><p>Fed up with being a bystander to what was clear suffering, he retrieved his hands from her grip. Resting a hand on her shoulder and gently shaking, he said, “Nott.”</p><p>Golden eyes fluttered open, and before he could get a read on her state, she jerked her arms away and scrambled back. As she moved back, it became much harder to make out the details of her figure, being left with more of an outline.</p><p>“No, please wait-” she gasped, chest shook with the intensity of her erratic breathing.</p><p>“Nott, it’s okay.” His words came out a bit sterner than he would have liked, but at the very least it got her attention. Owlish eyes blinked, and finally her eyes met his. “You were just having a nightmare.”</p><p>There was a silence, Nott sort of just staring at him dumbly, her brain catching up with all the new information at once. He was about to speak before she spoke up, saying, “Oh.”</p><p>There was another silence before he realized she didn’t have anything else to say.</p><p>“Ehm- are you okay?” He asked.</p><p>“I- did I wake you up?” She asked, ignoring his question.</p><p>“Ja,” he replied honestly.</p><p>“Oh.” There was another pause. “Sorry.”</p><p>“It’s okay. Are you okay?” He tried once more.</p><p>“Uhm… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Do- do you have any extra booze?”</p><p>“Nein. Sorry.”</p><p>“I-it’s okay. It’s fine.”</p><p>There was another long pause.</p><p>“Will you hand me my bedroll?” Nott asked, her voice softer than usual, but laced with tension. Caleb blinked, confused.</p><p>“Are… are you leaving?”</p><p>“Ah- no. I’m just going to sleep over here so I don’t wake you up anymore.”</p><p>The panic that arose in his chest was cold and sharp and he didn’t have enough self control not to complain.</p><p>“Nein.” His words were far more forceful than either of them had expected. “I mean- you may if you wish, however it is still cold and you will be outside the alarm.”</p><p>“I might wake you up again,” she pointed out. “I can’t promise this won’t happen again.”</p><p>“I don’t mind,” he responded, honestly. Caleb laid down, reassuming his former position. A strong minute later, he heard her shift, and felt her lay down in her previous position. She was tense and her breathing was still staggered, but she wasn’t nearly as cold as before. It was an improvement from before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is way less fluffy than any of my caleb and nott fics, so there's not necessarily romance or friendship.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Blood Loss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- Nott's throat is slit during battle</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott didn’t know what was happening until she heard a scream. She had been so sure she had been hidden, but as the blood trickled down her neck, sprouting from the gash running horizontal over her throat, she reconsidered her previous assessment.</p><p>It didn’t hurt. Whether that was from shock or the intensity of pain, she wasn’t sure, but all she felt was the warm feeling of her own blood soaking into her clothes. Around her chaos erupted.</p><p>As her hands fluttered up to her slit throat, she looked up to her friends. Caleb was looking on in shocked horror. Beauregard looked angry and scared. Fjord didn’t seem to have fully processed what had happened. Nott’s mouth opened to ask for help, but no noise came. Through blurred vision she saw a large figure run up to her. </p><p>Hands grabbed at her shoulders. They were large and warm and safe and when Nott’s knees buckled entirely, they  kept her from falling.</p><p>The movement of falling caused her to try to inhale, and that was met with the horrifyingly familiar feeling of drowning. Blood bubbled up and spilled over her lips, spilling onto her chin and coat. Eyes wide and unfocused, she choked, drowning in her own blood.</p><p>Someone was talking to her. Someone was screaming for help. Someone was holding her throat closed in an ineffectual attempt to stop some of the bleeding. Time slowed to a crawl, Nott stuck in a cocoon slowing her thoughts and making her body feel as if it were trapped in molasses.</p><p>Despite the blurriness in her eyes, she could still make out the puddle of blood on the ground pooling around her. She didn’t remember being set on the ground. There was so much blood the crimson bled into her yellow dress, staining it an orange color. Deliriously, the fact that her nice dress was being ruined upset her more than the fact that it was her own blood staining it.</p><p>Exhaustion was setting in heavily, and her bloodied hands dropped to the floor. Staying upright was a chore, so she allowed herself to go limp. Distantly, she recognized that someone was holding her upright, but the moment she tried to look up, more blood spilled over her lips and down her chin, and she was reminded that she was still drowning.</p><p>Drowning, as she had learned a long time ago, felt like it lasted forever. However, this time, relief finally came. She could feel the moment the gash closed and the blood finally stopped flowing. This didn’t alleviate the intense lightheadedness or the weakness in her limbs. </p><p>“Nott, liebling, can you hear me? Jester, she shouldn’t be that pale. Are you sure you healed her enough?” The familiar voice of her wizard cut through the haze. “Nott, perle, please respond.”</p><p>She blinked, trying to remove the blurriness from her eyes. Eventually, they cleared enough that she could see Caleb’s ice blue eyes looking into hers desperately. He looked frightened, and for a moment, Nott wasn’t sure why.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she replied. The moment she spoke, she was reminded of why he looked so scared. Her voice was a pathetic rasp, coming out more of a shaky wheeze than an actual sentence. The look of fear in Caleb’s eyes intensified, and Nott cringed. That was not the intended effect.</p><p>Caleb began speaking again, but Nott didn’t want to speak any longer. She wanted to sleep and wake up the next day when everything was okay and she didn’t feel bleary and weak. She wanted a bed and Caleb and a Frumpkin.</p><p>Someone said her name, and in response she shut her eyes, hoping they would get the message and let her sleep. Someone patted her cheek repeatedly and she whined, although the noise was weak and subdued to the point where she wasn’t sure anyone actually heard it. Eventually, the endless drumming at her swallowed, clammy cheek ceased, and she fell into something reminiscent of sleep, although the sensation was more of an in between place where she wasn’t fully awake or asleep.</p><p>There would be a scar the next day, and possibly the rest of her life, but that was fine. She could make a button necklace to cover it up. Everything was going to be fine. The hollowness in her bones would go away and she’d be fine. She was fine.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jester is just really busy and can't get over to where Nott is literally bleeding out on the floor lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Crying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- Character study</p><p>!!!!! CW: SELF HARM !!!!!!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Crash </em>
</p><p>And then another one, the deafening crashes only separated by the incessant sound rain pattering off the tiles of the roof of the Xhorhouse. The inside of her bedroom was freezing. It was times like these she was glad she was alone so she could curl into a ball and sob into her knees, away from the scorn, or worse, concern of others. Here, she could simply allow herself to sob out heaving breaths that shook her chest and burned her lungs. Her heart was a hammer in her chest, her chest twisted from the unprompted panic that wracked her small <strike>halfling </strike> goblin body. </p><p>Another crash caused her claws to dig deeply into her wrists, but the internal pain was truly unparalleled, so the sharp racking of claws to skin felt distant and numbed. Vaguely, she recognized the feeling of warm blood trickling down her wrists and onto the sheets, streams of crimson splitting off in rivulets as it trickled down her<em>broken and wrong and awful </em> wrists.</p><p>Nott wanted nothing more than to silence the constant pounding of rain above her, but her hearing was good enough that even her quick, shouting thoughts couldn't prevent the full effect of the memory from taking hold. </p><p>Against her will, she was thrown back to the night she realized she had truly hit her lowest. It was cold, the sort of cold where you curled into a ball and ignored the jeers of the goblins. The sort of cold that numbed you to the bone and left you soaked and shuddering. </p><p>She had curled beneath a tree, because why would they let the <em>halfling filth bitch </em> take refuge when she would just take up leg room for the elders? So she had sat in the damp grass, her ass numb as the rain poured down in sheets, the thin canopy of leaves above her doing little to protect her tiny, shuddering, huddled form.</p><p>At the time, she didn't have a fear of water, because she had been more focused on having a fear of everything, of every goblin who looked at her for too long, of sleeping, of eating because <em>look, she ate the human, oh, she's going to throw up! Isn't that fucking pathetic? </em></p><p>There was nothing to do, so she had sat there and waited. She hadn’t thought about Luc or Yeza or her parents or home or the fact that she was verging on illness due to the poor living conditions and food. She had simply waited for the day they got bored of beating her and starving her and decided to kill her, because that just <em>had </em>to be their ultimate plan. They had to end it at some point, right? </p><p>Her thoughts were abruptly cut off by another crack of thunder, this one nearly deafening in it's intensity, followed by the gentle roll of thunder, low and calm and deep, indicative of more to come. Her claws tore deeper, deep enough that maybe she could tear free of the prison she was trapped in.</p><p>Slowly, she tore down her shoulders, claws digging deeper into flesh and drawing blood deeper. </p><p>"-Hallo, Nott. I am having an issue with a magical item I got the other day, and I was hoping when you have a moment you could accompany me in the lab? You may respond to this message."</p><p>Instantly, she slapped her bloodied hand over her mouth, trying to prevent her uneven breathing from coming through in her response. Holding perfectly still, she waited, tears rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>A moment later, another message came through.</p><p>"Ehm, Nott? I'm sorry, have I interrupted something? If you are busy we can continue later. You may respond to this message."</p><p>At this point, it was hurting not to breathe, but she knew her capabilities in lying were less than stellar, and where she to speak, she would instantly break. </p><p>There was another pause (one more than long enough for her to respond.)</p><p>"Nott?"</p><p>
  <em> Go away. Please. I'm fine. I'm just broken and bad and wrong and it's raining. </em>
</p><p>"Are you okay?"</p><p>That was it, the breaking point. She could no longer hold in her sobs. She broke down, burying her face in her hands and letting out choked sobs, trying desperately to calm herself with panicked breaths. The sounds of her scratchy crying was embarrassingly loud, but she couldn't care anymore. It hurt so much. </p><p>She didn't hear Caleb enter the room, but she was made aware of his presence when she felt gentle, large hands take her wrists and pull her trembling hands away from her face.</p><p>"Oh, Nott," Caleb murdered, inspecting her bleeding wrists with so much love and concern in his voice that the feeling of sickness that had welled up inside her grew exponentially. Thunderstorms didn't mean concern and gentle touches and soft voices, it meant bleeding out in a puddle of your blood, alone and cold and scared.</p><p>Unconsciously, a whine emitted from her lips and she jerked away from Caleb’s touch. Her chest felt cold, wracked with terror. She strongly wanted to articulate what she was feeling, to explain that she was the one being wrong and broken and not him, but instead she whined miserably and curled into herself.</p><p>“Perle, it’s okay,” Caleb murmured, voice soft. “You won’t get wet in here.”</p><p>Nott shook her head fervently. There was no way to explain how far it went beyond just the water. She had made a conscious effort not to remember her time with the goblins, and she had tried even harder not to disclose the abuse that occured to the Mighty Nein. So, when it all came rushing back out of nowhere, how was she supposed to explain all the things she had never said. This task was made even more onerous by the fact that she couldn’t manage to speak.</p><p>There was another crack of thunder that resonated in her chest like the phantom ache of a broken rib, eliciting another pathetic whimper. She knew that if she had ever acted like that in front of the goblins it would have resulted in a beating so bad she wouldn’t have been able to walk, so this attested to how comfortable she was around Caleb, even if now she was flinching away from his raised hands.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she finally managed to squeak out, burying her face in her knees. “I’m sorry please don’t leave me.”</p><p>She wasn’t certain what exactly she was apologizing for. Partly, it was for flinching away, but it was more so for being a burden, for being weak and for being her. There was a pause, and as her eyes were squeezed shut, she couldn’t tell what Caleb was doing.</p><p>“Can I touch you?” Caleb asked softly. Nott nodded slightly.</p><p>Ginger fingers took her right hand, lightly tracing over rough green skin slick with blood. Tenderly, she felt fabric touch skin, and shakily she looked up to see where Caleb was bandaging her wrist.</p><p>“I do not know why you are upset,” Caleb said as he worked. “But I know sometimes these things are hard to talk about. That is okay. I will be here for when you want to. If you want to. If you don’t, that is okay as well. I will be with you through flame and battle and death. I will be with you until it stops raining.” </p><p>The two of them sat in silence as Caleb wrapped the bandages snuggly around her arms, the thunderstorm outside quelling to a quiet, almost calming drizzle. And true to his word, Caleb stayed until the rain stopped, and he stayed hours after, holding her and helping her through mundane tasks like drinking water and breathing steadily. </p><p>When the sun came up, she was warm again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah, I project onto Caleb. I project onto him so I can give Nott the Brave a gosh darn hug &gt;:(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Broken Bones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CALEB POV, Pre-stream- Nott gets caught stealing, and the Empire has a certain punishment for thieves</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a crashing noise, and then a familiar, shrill shriek. Instantly, Caleb looked out from the bookshelf he had been perusing to see where Nott was kneeling on the ground, shaking. Above her stood the store owner, a burly human man with a poorly kept beard. The man was holding Nott’s hand in his, her small claw entirely encased in his.</p><p>“Fuckin’ goblin thief filth,” the man spat. His hand squeezed harder and Nott whimpered in pain. “Someone call the crownsguard.”</p><p>Caleb swore he could hear something crack, and by the way Nott inhaled sharply, he wasn’t far off. In a moment of pure stupidity, he stepped out.</p><p>“I am-” Fuck, he should have come up with a lie. “I am an undercover crownsguard. I can take care of this.”</p><p>What the fuck. </p><p>Despite the abhorrent lie, Caleb’s presentation, the way Nott slumped with relief at his intervention, and literally all common sense, the man seemed to buy into what Caleb was selling. </p><p>“Oh bless the Dawnfather,” the man sighed. “I caught the filth trying to steal one of my books.”</p><p>Caleb’s lips pursed at the immediate realization that she was probably trying to steal it for him. Nonetheless, he persisted, walking forward and snatching her hand from the man’s grip. </p><p>“Ja- I mean okay. I will take care of the beast,” he coughed, puffing his chest out to feign confidence and superiority. Ignoring the way Nott trembled in his grip, he dragged Nott to the door. “Ehm- I will tell the other crownsguard about this infestation. Thank you for reporting. You are a good citizen of the Empire.”</p><p>Ignoring the vile way the all too familiar words felt to say, he began dragging Nott down the street. She was crying, and once the human stopped looking out the shop window, he loosened his grip considerably, however he didn’t let go until they were far away in an alley. </p><p>Instantly, he crouched to her level.</p><p>“Show me your hand,” he told her. Nott sniffled and raised her small hand. Gently, Caleb cupped it in his and looked it over with a grimace. Her hand was mangled, and each finger was broken. Caleb was genuinely impressed by the man’s strength, but that feeling was replaced by hatred when he looked further.</p><p>The injury would require health potion(s) they didn’t have, nor could buy, and their best thief was down a stealing hand. There had been a book in that shop that had given off an arcane aura, but that was for another time. This was their biggest priority now.</p><p>“I need to splint it. Just until we find a health potion, okay? That way it won’t heal crooked,” he explained as he wrapped the bandages around sticks. It was a god awful splint. He remembered learning how to make a makeshift splint when Astrid had shown him her injuries after a particularly bad lesson. </p><p>“Caleb,” Nott croaked, voice still shaky from crying. He met her eyes, and from beneath her mask, she smiled before revealing a small leather bound book giving off an arcane aura from beneath her rags. With her non broken hand, she handed him the book. “Sorry for getting caught.”</p><p>There was a lecture he would give her later, but for now, Caleb buried his face in her shoulder and laughed. </p><p>It was nice to not be alone anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chemical Pneumonia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>BEAU POV, MODERN AU, HIGHSCHOOL AU, HUMAN AU- Caleb gets an emergency text after Nott's swim class</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh hey, you got a text while you were in the bathroom,” Beauregard mentioned as Caleb sat back down at their cafeteria table.</p><p>“Oh, danke,” Caleb responded, resituating himself at the table and picking up his phone.</p><p>Beauregard slumped back in her chair, head hitting the neck of the plastic seat. “God dude, macro is kicking my ass this year. Ms. Krynn is such a bitch, I should have listened to the upperclassmen who told me not to take her class but, like, she was the only hour that worked or I would have had to drop- are you okay?”</p><p>Beauregard leaned forward, stopping her rant to look up at Caleb, who was quickly putting on his backpack. </p><p>“Dude, what the hell? Are you leaving?” She asked, frowning. Caleb stuffed his book into the holster of his jacket.</p><p>“I need to- this is an emergency,” he explained, leaving Beauregard more concerned than anything.</p><p>“Wh- is everything okay?” She prompted again, this time a bit more urgently as she threw her own bag over her shoulder and began half following half chasing after Caleb, who walked with purpose.</p><p>“We have a code if there is ever an emergency. If either of us are having a panic attack or episode, we just send an exclamation mark,” he explained. Beauregard nodded, quickly catching onto his drift. “She sent two. I- I don’t know where she is.”</p><p>“Just call her,” Beauregard suggested. </p><p>“Nein that is not a good-” Caleb cut off his sentence when he caught sight of Yasha walking down the hallway. “-Yasha, hallo, have you seen Nott?”</p><p>Yasha blinked, taken off guard.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, she was just at p.e.?” Yasha replied, looking to Beaureagrd for an explanation.</p><p>“Danke,” Caleb responded quickly, brushing past the tall senior, Beauregard, in toe.</p><p>“Oh fuck,” Beauregard muttered, the realization hitting her in the chest. </p><p>“What?” Caleb pried.</p><p>“It was- they started the swim unit today. Jester was complaining about it all morning.”</p><p>Caleb stopped dead in his tracks, meeting Beauregard’s eyes before promptly turning back around and nearly running to the pool.</p><p>Caleb put out a halting arm in front of Beauregard when they caught sight of the goblin huddled on the bleachers, face in hers hands. Despite being smothered in a giant hoodie, Beauregard could still see how she trembled. Every so often she coughed, her voice raspy and rougher than usual. Nobody was left in the pool, the students all having moved on to lunch. The lights were off, leaving the main point of illumination to be the fixtures inside of the pool that reflected through the chlorinated water.</p><p>Beauregard watched from a few feet off as Caleb sat next to her, softly talking to her in murmurs that were indecipherable from even only a few meters off. After receiving a look from Caleb, Beauregard came over and sat down on the tiles below where the two of them sat. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Nott whispered, her voice high and scared and only cut off by squeaky coughs. Carefully, Caleb wrapped an arm around her and she haltingly and with the utmost trust leaned into him, although she stayed in a ball. “I didn’t mean to kill him, please don’t hurt me.”</p><p>Caleb shushed her soothingly and petted her hair gently. Beauregard looked on, too uncomfortable and unsure to contribute. Nott usually seemed so hardened and self reliant that she felt like she was intruding by seeing this raw insecurity and vulnerability.</p><p>Caleb looked down at Beauregard and quietly said, “Beauregard, will you please go grab her things?”</p><p>“On it,” Bearueagrd responded, possibly a bit too quickly and loudly, before hopping up and jogging over to the locker room. The door was still unlocked, so she rushed in, located the black backpack adorned in various pins and keychains. When she returned to the bleachers, Nott was situated in Caleb’s lap, Caleb’s chin resting on the crown of her head as he held her tight through her coughing fits.</p><p>“I thought I could- I thought I could just tough it out-” she whimpered. “-and then I started to… I didn’t know what to do.”</p><p>Caleb replied, “You do not have to put yourself through this. You don’t always need to depend on yourself”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just water,” she grumbled petulantly. “I shouldn’t be like this.”</p><p>“Nein, nein, nein,” he murmured into her hair. Beauregard thought he was way too good at this. She wondered how many times he had done this before. Caleb looked up. “Oh good, you got her belongings. Do you have a change of clothes?”</p><p>Nott shook her head. </p><p>“Jester probably has a change of clothes that might fit,” Beauregard suggested.</p><p>“Would you please go find Ms. Lavorare and ask for a dry change of clothes?” Caleb requested. Nott had gone quiet at this point, but was still breathing heavily.</p><p>“Will you two be okay on your own?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow.</p><p>Caleb nodded resolutely, a look in his eyes that instilled confidence in Beauregard. In truth, she wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but she knew that she could follow orders and be a good friend.</p><p>And in the end, wasn’t that what mattered the most?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>NOTT IS AN EMPIRE KID</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Scarring</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- Nott wakes up after battle</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh you’re awake. Good,” Caduceus’s voice rumbled as Nott opened her right eye. The firbolg spoke from somewhere outside of Nott’s line of sight. </p><p>Nott took a shaky breath. She could still feel the phantom sensation of her chest being crushed. Slowly, everything came back to her, and she recalled her last few moments of consciousness, being thrown against the cavern wall by the large black dragon, a claw impaling her through the stomach.</p><p>“Did I die?” Nott asked, her words coming out wheezing and shaky. Caduceus poked into her line of sight, a relaxed smile on his face.</p><p>“Not this time, luckily,” Caduceus sighed, gently draping a damp towel over her forehead. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Nott layed there for a second, considering the question before answering, “Bad. What happened?”</p><p>“Jester just managed to get to you before the dragon killed you, and then she dimension doored away,” Caduceus recounted. “She just barely got there in time.”</p><p>“Oh thank god” Nott muttered. She tried to blink away some of the blurriness, but she noticed that her left eye was stuck shut. Her hand fluttered up to her face and she touched gingerly at her face. Even without being able to see, the skin was heavily scarred. “What happened to my face? I don’t remember getting hit in the face.”</p><p>“Like I said, Jester just barely got there in time. Just barely,” Caduceus responded, a hint of regret in his voice. Instantly, Nott tried to sit up, panic going through her face as she touched more. “The burn marks will go away, but the scar from the claws might be there for a while.”</p><p>Nott’s gaze landed across the mirror on the other side of the room. As her vision cleared, she was met with the sight of her body. She was wrapped heavily in bandages, reminding her of the rags she had worn when she had just met the Nein. Most noticeably, there were bandages wrapping around and covering her left eye and most of that side of the face. Gingerly, she pried the fabric up to see the lasting damage. Raking down her face were two claw marks, both large and covering a great area in depth. Hey eye was shut, and when she tried to open it, nothing happened. </p><p>“We tried to heal as much of the damage as we could, but healing spells can do so much,” Caduceus explained softly. Nott let go of the bandages, her hands falling to her lap. </p><p>“Is it permanent?” She asked, voice hoarse. In truth, she wasn’t particularly concerned about her appearance as long as she inhabited this body, however the prospect of working without an eye was not favorable for someone who prided themselves on their accuracy when it came to the crossbow.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Caduceus responded, honestly. </p><p>Nott sat there for a moment, absorbing the information.</p><p>“Where’s everyone else?” She asked, voice hoarse. </p><p>“Sleeping, mostly,” Caduceus responded. “Would you like me to go get Caleb or Jester?”</p><p>“Ah-no, no thank you,” Nott responded. “I’m okay. Wait- have you slept since the battle?”</p><p>“Well no, I needed to start healing-” </p><p>That was enough for Nott’s exhausted mind to grab him by the sleeve. She really, really needed a hug right now.</p><p>“Okay, we’re going to bed,” she declared, pulling him into bed. Caduceus blinked before realizing what was happening and easily complying, pillowing her bandaged head on his soft chest.</p><p>After a moment, Nott asked, “Do you think it’s possible that it could be fixed?”</p><p>“Even if we can’t heal it, we can find some sort of arcane implement.” Caduceus’s low rumbling voice reverberated through his chest and against Nott’s head, his words of reassurance putting her at ease.</p><p>“Okay, I trust you,” she murmured, curling further into him. If she weren’t completely injured and dazed, she would never be this cuddly with Caduceus, however he was extremely soft and warm and she was exhausted from nearly dying. “Thanks for taking care of me, Mr. Clay.”</p><p>She didn’t stay awake long enough for a response, but she did feel the vibrations on his chest when he spoke again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i cant believe it took 14 chapters for me to finally get a Cad fic :( im ashamed</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Possesion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV canon divergance set at episode 91- remember what Travis said on talks when he said he thought that Halas had posessed her? Yeah, thats the implication</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The clay around her shattered, and her first thought was that something had gone horribly wrong. She laid flat on the floor, her muscles tense and her eyes open. Although she could hear her friends around her talking, she could only think about the laugh she had heard.</p><p>"Nott! Are you alright?" Jester asked, rushing to Nott's side. Nott stayed still, but opened her mouth to say <em>'I'm alright, but did you hear that laugh?’</em></p><p>Instead she said, "The spell didn't work."</p><p>Wait. She didn't say that. Well, she had, but she hadn't.</p><p>"Do we know what went wrong?" Essek asked, scooting up next to Caleb who was rifling through a stack of loose leaf papers.</p><p>Despite the resounding ache in her bones, she sat up. The movement hurt, and she didn’t want to sit up, but seemingly without her permission she had moved.</p><p><em>'What the fuck?' </em> she asked as her body turned to look over at Caleb and Essek. Caleb looked over his notes to lock eyes with her.</p><p>"Did you hear that laugh?" He asked.</p><p><em>'Yes! Who was it?' </em>she tried, the words not exiting her lips.</p><p>"What laugh?" Her body inquired, cocking her head to the side. Nott's heart stopped in her chest. Something was wrong. This was wrong. Her body was moving and speaking, but she was locked in place and mute.</p><p>
  <em>'What is this? What's going on?' </em>
</p><p>"I heard a laugh in my head," Caleb explained to the rest of the group. "It sounded like a man."</p><p>"Wasn't the person who did this to you a woman? It couldn't have been her then," Beauregard pointed out.</p><p>"Did it sound like when I send you a message?" Jester asked while inspecting Nott's body for injuries, hands glowing with divine magic fluttering over green skin caked with clay.</p><p>"No. Nothing like that. It was some other sort of magic," her body said.</p><p>Nott wanted to throw up. Something, some<em>one </em> was puppeteering her body, using her voice and lying to her friends. Try as she might, she couldn't as much as twitch a finger. She couldn't even control when she blinked or swallowed.</p><p>Caleb squatted down in front of her, his mouth pulled in a tight frown. Her instinct was to reach out, to comfort, to tell him she was alright and that they would solve this together. That she appreciated his help and it wasn't his fault the spell failed. </p><p>Instead, she blinked up at him. </p><p>"I'm sorry my friend," he apologized, his voice gravelly. "Are you alright?"</p><p>"I think so. I’m not hurt,” her body said. There was something very unnatural about the way she spoke, the words more measured, very different to her, admittedly distinctive cadence.</p><p>Caleb frowned and set a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“You and I will figure this out friend,” he told her, squeezing her shoulder.</p><p>“Of course, Caleb.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for 1000 hits guys &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Feeblemind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>YASHA POV- Nott gets feebleminded</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moment the arcane trap went off, Yasha knew something had gone horribly wrong. They should have been a bit more suspicious when the mayor of Talonsadt offered the Nein a job, seven thousand gold and free room and board if they eliminated a necromancer who had taken refuge in the town, the portly man framing it as a quick and easy task, in his words, “low risk high reward.”</p><p>Nott stumbled back away from the locked door, her hands reflexively coming up to grasp her head. Out of the corner of her eye, Yasha watched Caleb begin to surge forward, only to be stopped by Fjord shooting his arm out in front of the human’s chest, working as a barrier from keeping the duo from one another.</p><p>There was an intense moment, the group waiting for Nott to either keel over or turn back to the group and explain silently through her inconcise and wild charades what had happened or the direction they needed to take next. However, neither happened, the goblin simply standing in place, her usual tension not inhabiting her posture. Another moment passed, the group waiting for any sort of instruction from their clever rogue, but the only sign was one of her ears twitching in the way it did when she was idle.</p><p>It wasn’t like her to completely stop her work, in fact, the rogue frequently continued through injury and illness to accomplish her task. It was commendable and telling of her character, though at times a bit worrisome for her and the others who would catch her patching up an undiscovered injury off on her own.</p><p>Just as Yasha decided it had been too long to go without inquiry into the motivations of the goblin, Caleb spoke up, his voice quiet and muffled as his hands cupped his lips and he spoke through the wire.</p><p>“Nott,” He hissed, his accent thick and his voice filled with concern. “Are you okay? Why have we stopped?”</p><p>Nott squeaked a bit too loudly, spinning to face the group, her eyes wide and fearful. The goblin’s oversized ears stood on end, one twitching.</p><p>Caleb tried again, saying, “What is going on? You can reply to this message.”</p><p>Behind them, a clattering bang echoed down the cobblestone hallway. The group spun to see the three humanoid figures limping down the hallway, the shadow uncovering their forms to reveal zombies dolled up in poorly fitted armor hanging off their deteriorating forms. </p><p>Instantly, the Nein struck up battle formation, Caleb beginning to cast something as Yasha unsheathed her sword, readying it against the advances made by the zombified Crown Guards. Behind her, Yasha heard a familiar shriek, but paid it little mind.</p><p>Striking in quick succession, the Nein unleashed a wave of attacks against the undead, a bolt of fire to the face being the final blow for the leader of the trio, their corpses collapsing to the floor unceremoniously.</p><p>“Shit,” Beauregard cursed, wiping a line of grime and sweat from her brow. “That was a good one Caleb. Caleb?”</p><p>Yasha turned with Beauregard to see where Caleb was crouched in front of Nott, who was curled in a ball, frightened and twitchy. Caleb was gently holding her shoulders and talking to her in a low ball.</p><p>“Oh no!” Jester gasped, walking forward. “Is she hurt? I can-”</p><p>Nott flinched away when Jester tried to put a hand out, but Caleb put a hand out, stopping the cleric from moving forward further. </p><p>“Feeblemind,” he muttered. Nott whined a little bit, eyes darting around nervously. Yasha didn’t like it when she looked that way. It made her stomach feel ill. </p><p>“What’s that?” Jester asked, lip pouting out.</p><p>“She cannot understand us right now. However, it should be easy to fix. We just need a greater restoration,” Caleb explained pragmatically, however the look of concern and sadness in his eyes gave away the illusion of calmness. “Nott, perle, it’s okay. You recognize me, ja?”</p><p>Nott blinked, eyes really taking in Caleb, before the look of fear melted into joy. She latched onto his arm and hugged it tightly. While she was distracted, Jester swooped in and rested her hand on the goblin’s forehead. Just as Nott was about to surge away from the unwelcome touch, her glazed over eyes cleared, and she blinked slowly. </p><p>Still holding Caleb’s arm, she muttered, “What the fuck…|”</p><p>“How are you feeling? Can you understand me now?” Caleb asked, a bit of urgency making itself known in his tone of voice.</p><p>Nott blinked, looked around, looked at the death grip she had on his arm and repeated, “What the fuck.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"Why is this Yasha POV if she doesn't do anything" you ask? Oh, well the answer is simple; i think i had a plan at some point but i forget what it was OOPS</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Unexpected Trigger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>VETH POV- The Nein go to a bathhouse</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Veth had noticed the looks when Jester had suggested the Nein go to a bathhouse. Instantly, Jester recognized the implications of her proposal and tried to walk it back, however Veths need to not be a burden outweighed her own personal comfort, so she reassured the group that it was fine. After all, she had done so well at Rumblecusp. She was practically over the whole ‘water thing.’</p><p>Except she wasn’t. It was much easier to be underwater when she was either drunk or distracted, and this environment provided little distraction. She supposed she could ask for a drink, but then everyone was going to think she was going to freak out or something and get worried, and really she was being irrational and stupid and she should just get over it. As Fjord had said, maybe exposure therapy could be beneficial. Unfortunately, that sentiment was quickly shown to be unimportant when she finally put her feet in the water and the overwhelming feeling of dread and panic overtook her.</p><p>“Nott, you really don’t have to go in-” Jester tried, a sympathetic look on her face. The rest of the Nein had already sat down, which meant they were now looking to her.</p><p>“No, no, no, it’s fine,” Veth replied too quickly. “I’m fine.”</p><p>Everyone was looking at her and she hated the looks on their faces. Staring down at her feet, Veth sat down in the water, back pressed to the wall in an attempt to reassure herself that she was fine without it coming off as too obvious. Although her eyes were pinpointed on the bottom of the bath, she could still feel their eyes on her. Eventually, conversation picked up and the various discussions of the group fell into their familiar rhythm.</p><p>Despite the warmth of the water, her legs and hands were trembling. Trying to be subtle, she pressed her hands down onto her legs, inadvertently scratching into them. Being able to focus on the slight pain of nails on flesh was a welcome distraction from the heavy water that was wrapped around her, surrounding her, ready to drown her at a moments notice.</p><p>The conversations of her friends died into a ringing buzz as she tried desperately to not think about the bad things. As her body adjusted, the warmth was no longer a viable reassurance that she was fine and not dead and not a goblin. Even the sight of her restored hands were doing little to stop the hammering of her heart in her chest. Her vision was tunneling and she almost felt lightheaded.</p><p>“Okay, I think it’s time to get out.” Caleb’s voice cut through her thoughts, his voice uncharacteristically stern. Jolted from her spiral, she realized she had very visibly been shaking and panting in fear. She blinked up as Caleb took her by the hand. Mutely, she followed as he led her out of the water. The Nein looked on with a mix of concern and guilt, but Veth was having a really hard time focusing on anything but how hard it was to breathe. </p><p>Something soft and warm was wrapped around her, and people were talking and occasionally someone would touch her shoulder or hand. There were reassuring words and things she didn’t receive after being drowned by the goblins. Someone bandaged the small cuts left by her nails.</p><p>She wasn’t okay with water, and she realized distantly that she never was going to be. </p><p>Maybe that was okay though.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let! Veth! Deal! With! Her! Trauma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! &gt;:(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Phobias</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV, Character study set during the pirate arc</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Water in her eyes and nose and lungs. Not at all an unfamiliar sensation, even if the compressing feeling was phantom.</p><p>Everything was so vivid. She still remembered what the bottom of the river looked like, the buttons falling off the cut string around her neck and onto the mud at the bottom. The sharp feeling of claws holding her arms tightly, blood beading up and trickling down in rivulets before falling into the water, quickly being washed away by the continual rush of water.</p><p>Unlike real life, relief would never come. She never died in her dreams because she didn’t remember dying. All she remembered were her last few moments of consciousness and struggling and the delirious thought of  <em>please I want to live. </em></p><p>Then nothing.</p><p>The nightmares had certainly gotten worse since the Nein had started their voyage on the water. She questioned quite frequently if Caleb hadn’t wanted to go, if she would even be here. She would have liked to say the only one being shitty to her was Fjord, but in reality she saw the way they rolled her eyes at her whenever she got frightened. They saw her as a nuisance, a child with an overactive imagination looking for attention.</p><p>So, she tried to quell her fears, reminding herself that they wouldn’t let her die, but after Caleb had brainwashed her into swimming, it got a bit harder to pretend like they understood what she was going through.</p><p>Sometimes she wondered if telling them would help. Maybe if they knew why she was afraid of the water they’d be nicer and not make her go, but that wasn’t good either. If they gave her the option to sit out (without Jester guilting her with her puppy dog eyes) she would take it, and then they’d go without her and Caleb could die. So maybe telling them wasn’t a good idea.</p><p>She did have to wonder if Caleb knew more than he was letting on. When they had gotten out on the water, she had woken up in the night more frequently, and as usual he was there to console her, a large hand rubbing circles into her back. But now, instead of saying ‘It is okay’ his words of consolation were more like ‘Just breathe. Deep breaths small one.’</p><p>When she got drunk enough to stomach the idea of thinking about her family, she would think about what would happen in the best possible scenario. If Caleb fixed her and she returned home. The life of domesticity that she longed for so much seemed more and more daunting, and she had to question if she would even be able to maintain that.</p><p>How was she supposed to shrug off the violence and horrors she had been put through?</p><p>It was silly musing over a future she would likely never achieve. There was no returning to normal; that had been taken away along with her body. It didn’t matter how broken she was on the inside, there was irreparable damage to the insides.</p><p>There was never going to be a week that went by where she didn’t wake up screaming and sobbing. She was never going to be able to look at her hands without seeing how broken they were.</p><p>That night she decided to lie. If she ever saw Yeza and Luc again, she would lie.</p><p>They didn’t need to know about how horrible the world was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Amnesia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>VETH POV- Veth wakes up surrounded by strangers</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Good morning, Veth the Brave," a deep, accented male voice cooed. Veth's eyes fluttered open to see a stranger standing over her with pride and joy in his eyes. He stood pridefully at the foot of the bed she was laying on. She simply stared at him, trying to remember what had happened or where she was. Distantly, her mind flashed images of running and trees and goblins and water. "How do you feel?"</p><p>The memory of water crashed into her like a trolley, and she inhaled violently, the phantom feeling of water in her lungs, horrifying, still present. This was wrong. She didn't know where she was, and when she looked around, she noticed 6 other strangers in the room watching her. As the panic set in and her breathing sped up, the human man frowned a little, cocking his head to the side.</p><p>"Veth?" he prompted, leaning forward, his brow furrowed. Instantly, Veth scrambled away, pressing her back flat to the backboard of the bed.</p><p>"W-where am I? Where's my family?" she asked, her voice choked and her eyes darting around the room. The human man's face dropped entirely and she heard a gasp behind him. He reached out a gentle hand, but she flinched away.</p><p>"Caleb, what's going on?" a blue tiefling asked, looking almost as, if not more perturbed than the human. </p><p>"I don't know," he responded, his voice a hoarse whisper, and his eyes still on Veth. "Veth, do you know who I am?"</p><p>She had never seen the man before in her life, but he looked at her with such fondness and concern that she felt like she should. She shook her head no. </p><p>"Oh fuck," a gruff sounding human woman muttered, looking back and forth between the human man and Veth.</p><p>"Caleb, what did you do? Why can't she remember us?" the blue girl prodded, her musical voice getting more and more shrill, the man in response pulling out a large tome from the pockets of his long, purple coat.</p><p>"I don't know," He responded again, desperately thumbing through the pages of the leatherbound book and retrieving various loose leaf pieces of paper containing small text inscribed in a language Veth didn't recognize. </p><p>"Well fix her!" the blue girl demanded, tears filling her eyes. She looked back at Veth’s frightened expression, and wiped at her cheeks quickly.</p><p>"What's the last thing you remember?" She asked softly, her voice strained as she poorly attempted to regain some composure.</p><p>“Water?” She responded, put on the spot and distracted. “Uhm, I need to go find my family. Thanks for... whatever this is I guess?"</p><p> Veth crawled out of the bed, keeping her eyes on the strangers, and started edging towards the door of the room with a wide berth separating her from them. The blue girl's look of sadness turned to panic. She put her hands up and indicated to Veth to stop.</p><p>"Veth, wait! Y-you're looking for Yeza and Luc, right?" She asked. Veth stopped in her tracks.</p><p>"You know where they are?" Veth asked, her eyes widening.</p><p>"Y-yeah? Yeah. We're real clos-" The blue girl was cut off as Veth ran over and grabbed her hands.</p><p>"Where are they? Are they safe?" She demanded, clutching the soft, shaking hands as if her life depended on it. </p><p>"They're in Nicodranes with my mom." She spoke as if Veth should have known all of this. She paused before adding, "You did a really good job. They're safe because of you."</p><p>Veth allowed the relief to rush over her body, her shoulders slumping and tears of relief and thankfulness filling her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Veth whispered. "I was so scared."</p><p>"Yeah, no problem," the girl said awkwardly, then quietly spoke up. "Caleb?"</p><p>Veth pulled away and looked up at the human man, who she gathered at this point was Caleb. Having stopped looking through his books for the moment, he crouched down to her level.</p><p>"Nott, liebling. Please," he pleaded. “Please tell me you remember us.”</p><p>"I-I'm sorry?" she apologized, not knowing what he wanted. Caleb's face fell completely.</p><p>"The ritual failed," he informed the group, still gazing at Veth.</p><p>"Wh- ritual?" she asked for clarification.</p><p>"It didn't fail. She's a halfling again," a very tall and fuzzy man replied, his voice rumbling like thunder. Veth hadn’t the faintest idea what race he belonged to.</p><p>"Yes it did! She doesn't remember us!" The tiefling snapped back.</p><p>"She got what she wanted. She’s herself again," The fuzzy man replied calmly.</p><p>"She wouldn't have wanted to disappear," an orcish man argued back. "Even if it meant still being a goblin."</p><p>“We don’t know that,” the gruff human woman pointed out. “I don’t think she knew this was even a possibility.”</p><p>"Then we undo the ritual. We turn her back," the tiefling asserted. “Then we can ask her.”</p><p>"We don't know if changing her back would return her memories," Caleb responded, his voice empty. </p><p>Scratching his arms, he turned to the group and began sorting papers. Everyone was preoccupied with arguing about... goblins and rituals and remembering stuff and Veth was left to watching the whole exchange, everyone talking about her as if she weren’t standing right there. These people seemed to care about her to some degree, as they knew her name and seemed genuinely concerned about her well being, but she didn’t know who they were or how they knew about her or her family. Her best guess at the moment was that she had been abducted by a bunch of cultists, and while that seemed outlandish and silly, she couldn’t think of another reasonable explanation.</p><p>Realizing they were all distracted, she took the opportunity to sneak out the door. However, the second she grasped the door handle, she felt a hand clasp her shoulder. The fuzzy man smiled down at her softly.</p><p>"I'd really appreciate it if you stayed here," He requested gently. His voice did little to quell her fears though, and she flinched away from him. The rest of the group had stopped talking and was now looking at her</p><p>"Are… are you guys cultists or something? I- Listen, I'm just a housewife, I can't help you. Please don't… change me?" She took a shaky step back, raising her hands defensively. “If you just let me go…”</p><p>The tension that filled the room was nearly palpable, and the silence was deafening. Everyone looked tense, except for the fuzzy man who took a deep sigh and straightened his posture. </p><p>“I’m sorry, we haven’t been very courteous house guests, have we?” he said, a small, sad smile on his lips. “You are not a prisoner here. You can leave if you need to, but we’d appreciate it if you stayed here.”</p><p>Veth swallowed, still unsure.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Over the next hour or so, her trepidation was replaced with curiosity as she sat with them. They took turns speaking, introducing themselves one by one. With that, they explained that they were in fact not a cult, but instead a group of mercenaries that she had been a part of. While she didn’t believe she was capable of fighting or anything like the adventures they detailed, they seemed honest and emphatic that she was a talented rogue. Trying to jog her memory was a fruitless endeavor, and they seemed so distressed by her lack of memory that she felt a bit guilty.</p><p> With her explicit permission, a few of them cast spells on her, Jester getting particularly upset when something called “Greater Restoration” didn’t work. Eventually, it dawned on her that if they were a threat or wanted to hurt her, they were fully capable of doing so. Caleb spoke the most frequently, and she quickly gathered that the two of them had been close. Jester spoke the second most frequently, however she walked away a few times to do something called “Communion.” </p><p>Veth answered their questions honestly, although she got the feeling they already knew most of what she was saying, which was a bit disconcerting. These people already knew so much about her and she knew nearly nothing about them. </p><p>Finally, Jester said, “We should bring her to Nicodranes. That way she can see her family. It might help”</p><p>Veth smiled a bit, relieved to know Yeza was somewhere out there waiting for her, but the people around her reacted with discontent.</p><p>“Jessie…” Beauregard started, eliciting a crumpled pout from Jester. “Maybe we should hold off until-”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe we just… she might make a choice she doesn’t mean,” Fjord pointed out, eyeing Veth from the side.</p><p>“You mean leave,” Yasha spoke up, folding her arms and glaring at the group. “You think she’ll leave if given the choice.”</p><p>Jester, Beauregard, and Fjord nodded solemnly and shamefully.</p><p>“Yasha is right,” Caleb responded, his voice shaky and weak, his eyes trained on the floor. “We have no right to keep her here.”</p><p>“So we ditch her in Nicodranes? What if Isharnai comes back or something?” Beauregard exploded, her cheeks flushing. “We can’t just leave her.”</p><p>“We can’t bring her with us,” Jester mentioned, her tone less argumentative and more resigned. “It’s too dangerous..”</p><p>“So we leave her in Nicodranes until we find something more powerful than a greater restoration or a more powerful cleric,” Caduceus suggested. </p><p>“We’re not gonna <em>ditch </em> her,” Beauregard retorted.</p><p>Caleb’s croaky voice spoke up once more. “What other choice do we have?”</p><p>“But-” Beauregard protested only to be cut off by an icy, intense stare from Caleb.</p><p>“-What other choice do we have, Beauregard? We can’t bring her with us. At least in Nicodranes she can go to Yussa in case of an emergency.”</p><p>There was another long, tense silence, Veth’s eyes darting from face to face. She would have been offended that they were making decisions for her, but she was so lost on the situation that she couldn't protest.</p><p>Finally, someone spoke. Fjord grimaced and said, “Fine.”</p><p>Jester let out a sob and buried her face in her hands. The rest of the group slunk back. Caleb took a deep, shuddering breath.</p><p>“Veth, I am going to bring you to Nicodranes. Your husband and son are there. Okay?” He asked. “You’ll… you’ll be safe there.”</p><p>“Oh.” She blinked. “Oh, okay.”</p><p>Caleb bit his lip, grimacing a bit. “I am glad you are not put off by this like the rest of us. You truly are brave.”</p><p>“Thank you?”</p><p>Caleb stood up, squeezing his eyes shut before reaching deep into his pocket and pulling out a piece of chalk. Not looking to the rest of his friends, he sunk down and began drawing on the ground. She watched in amazement as he scribed out intricate patterns. </p><p>“Veth,” Jester spoke up, holding herself up with clearly feigned grace. “We are going to come back for you. We are going to fix this, okay?”</p><p>“I- uhm… okay?” Veth responded.</p><p>“Do you believe me?” She asked insistently, leaning forward. Veth nodded, still uncertain of what she was meant to believe. “Pinky promise?”</p><p>Veth stared at Jester’s outstretched pinky before gently interlocking it with her own. Jester’s eyes shimmered once more and the tiefling threw her arms around Veth, pulling her into an extremely tight hug. Struggling for breath, Veth patted Jester’s back.</p><p>“We’re going to come back,” Jester repeated, her voice a whisper. All the others looked on with a variety of emotions. “I promise.”</p><p>“I believe you,” Veth responded, surprised by how quickly and naturally the words came, and the sincerity with which she said them.</p><p>“Veth, come here,” Caleb said, finishing up the circle. She obliged, walking over to him. “When you get there, ask for Yussa. Tell him your name, that you’re friends with us and that you need to find Yeza Brenatto. He’ll help you.”</p><p>“Okay,” she responded, taking note of his instructions, although everything was quite distracting.</p><p>“Tell him if anything happens to message Jester.” Caleb finished the final line of the circle with a swipe. The chalk lit up, the geometric patterns merging into a hollow cylinder of light that made a loud windy noise. “And Nott?”</p><p>“Yeah?” she responded.</p><p>He hesitated for one moment, long enough for her to see something pass over his face. She furrowed her brow and  he glanced off nervously. As he leaned away, she got the feeling he had decided against something. </p><p>“Be careful.”</p><p>And with that, she walked into the circle, her last vision of the group one of sadness and guilt on their faces.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Numb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>YEZA POV- Sometimes Veth gets quiet</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometimes, Veth would go quiet. It had scared Yeza a lot more than he’d let on at first. She would just stop talking and stare off, not reacting to him whatsoever.</p><p>They had talked about it and, although she didn’t like attention or concern, she explained that sometimes she just got, in her words, ‘weird.’ He got the impression that even she wasn’t sure what was happening then.</p><p>She had never detailed exactly what had happened in the time in between their splitting up and reuniting. There had been vague implications, Veth mentioning that she had spent time with the goblins, but details beyond that were few and far between. So, he did what he always did; he tried to be understanding and work with her, lack of context aside.</p><p>So, when he found Veth with her forehead on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs, he did his best. Peppering kisses over scarred shoulders, he held her close, talking to her softly in small reassurances. Braiding her hair in silence, he tried his best to be </p><p>She wasn’t ready to talk about, but when she was, he’d be there.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>dont you just love being insanely busy on tuesdays and thursdays, the days CR is live? sorry this chapter is so short :( but ive got a few chapters coming up im really excited about</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Smoke Inhalation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Veth POV- Veth is captured by the Cerberus Assembly to get to a certain wizard<br/>CW: torture</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Veth awoke groggily to the muffled sounds of conversation. Her entire body felt heavy and warm, as if she were lying beneath a weighted blanket. However, when her mind cleared a bit more, she realized she was in fact vertical, her limbs attached by manicals to a wall. She blinked, trying to wake up more, but found her eyes sticky with blood and swollen. The tiniest bit of blood rolled down her chin. </p><p>Vaguely, she remembered a battle, mages of the Cerberus Assembly and something being cast on her to make her sleep, but her thoughts were still hazy and incoherent as she gathered her barings.</p><p>Her ears were ringing loudly, but she was quickly drawn to the conversation around her when someone grabbed her by the throat, nails digging into skin painfully. </p><p>“So you are Bren’s new pet, ja?” Ikithon muttered, looking down his nose, voice filled with detachment and disgust. A sharp fingernail traced her jawline, a bead of blood gathering at the jaw when he pressed too hard. Ikithon turned to where Caleb sat tied in a wooden chair. “It’s a miserable thing. I must express my disappointment.”</p><p>Veth’s vision cleared enough to see where Caleb was hunched over, white shirt stained in crimson splotches. She could just see his ice blue eyes glaring murder at Ikithon beneath tangled, copper hair.</p><p>Caleb’s raspy, furious voice choked out, “If you hurt her, I will kill you.”</p><p>There was so much conviction in his voice, Veth actually felt a jolt of fear before realizing that the words were meant in defense of her. She prepared to speak, but the moment she opened her mouth her words turned into a painful cough, rattling her broken ribs.</p><p>“Pathetic, really.” Ikithon’s attention was turned back to her and his hand had left her throat. Unfortunately, that hand was now casting. “I expected more of my star pupil than vermin like this.”</p><p>Veth flinched away weakly at the wave of heat emitting from the flame cradled in his jaundiced hand. Once more, she tried to speak, to protest, to reach out to Caleb who was most definitely in the middle of a panic attack, but all that came through her lips was a pained hiss as an unprompted jolt of pain struck her insides. </p><p>“I’m not going to burn her,” Ikithon said, answering an unspoken question. “I don’t believe either of you would be of much use in that situation.”</p><p>In the corner of her eye, Veth saw Ikithon lower his hand to around her knees. Breathing a shaky, broken sigh of relief at the dismissal of the heat that had been lapping against her cheek, she blinked away the tears that had pricked up in the corners of her eyes as a result of the flames.</p><p>Continuing his monologue, Ikithon explained, “Smoke inhalation kills the average person in approximately four minutes. Given her size, I’d say she had a good two minutes before passing out. Maybe three before her lungs collapse entirely and she dies. Now, Bren, where is the beacon?”</p><p>There was a silence in the room. </p><p>“Fuck you,” Caleb rasped, a snarl appearing on his lips. </p><p>Veth hadn’t ever noticed the arcane fire emitted smoke straight from the source as it was either moving quickly in battle, or the source had been used already and the fire had lit. Now, that realization was all she could focus on. </p><p>Her eyes stung, heat like tiny needles poking incessantly as she blinked tears down her cheeks. Squirming, she realized acutely that in her battered and restrained state, there was nowhere for her to go.</p><p>“Where is the beacon, Bren?” Ikithon repeated, voice a bit sharper. The smoke had already entered her nose, and try as she might, she could not prevent it from entering her lungs. Despite her general, overwhelming confusion and disoritentation, her instinct told her to look to Caleb. That he would make things okay.</p><p>“Caleb?” She choked, her voice coming out scratchy and so incredibly weak that she wasn’t sure if the words had been uttered at all. However, by the look of what could only be described as guilt, pity and horror, Caleb had heard her. </p><p>Their eyes met, although Veth’s were fogged with tears and still swollen. There was a moment of the two of them looking at each other, something unreadable and indiscernible on Caleb’s face, before the scratching in her throat was simply too much and she broke into a coughing fit.</p><p>It was violent, shaking her body painfully with enough loud cough as she attempted ineffectually to expel the smoke from her lungs. The prior confusion from waking up injured earlier had morphed into lightheadedness as she was no longer breathing. Her body, which had felt heavy, now felt light and almost detached from her person. Absently, she guessed neither of these were good things.</p><p>“Theyless,” Caleb croaked after what felt like hours of wheezing and coughing, but was really only a few moments.</p><p>“I’m sorry?” Ikithon responded, and Nott could almost hear the self satisfied smirk in his voice. “I didn’t quite catch that.”</p><p>“Essek Theyless of the Dynasty is in possession of the beacon. He is working under the guise of Lord Deserin Theyne,” Caleb relayed, breathlessly. “Please stop.”</p><p>There was a moment of pause, Veth getting more and more lightheaded by the second as unconsciousness became a more present threat. Her tensed arms went slack and she hung limply.</p><p>Suddenly, the smoke was thinner and thinner until she could breathe. Desperately, although pained and weakly, Veth regained her breath, whimpers coming from her lips between shallow breaths.</p><p>“Now was that so hard?” Ikithon commented condescendingly. The jaundiced human stood behind Caleb, hands petting his shoulders. Despite Veth’s own predicament, she really wanted to punch him. “I will be back. I needn’t remind you of the consequences of lying, do I?”</p><p>There was a silence before Caleb responded hoarsely, “Nein.”</p><p>“Gut.” Was the last that Veth heard from Ikithon before the door slammed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this goes out to Ness &lt;3 also this story is really just an excuse for me to laugh about the fact that Trent canonically has jaundice.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Laced Drink</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- Nott gets drunk</p><p>!!!!! CW: IMPLIED ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT !!!!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott preferred whiskey over wine. She could have sworn Veth had preferred less acrid tasting drinks, but she supposed it didn’t really matter what she drank as long as it got her good and drunk.</p><p>Nott thought too much. Maybe too much wasn’t the right descriptor, but at the very least the thoughts she did have were louder and sped by at a million miles per hour. Every sense, every reaction, every stray thought about Luc magnified tenfold until it was just as suffocating as the phantom pain of drawing that lingered in the lungs of this god forsaken body. </p><p>So she drank, because really, what else was she supposed to do? Caleb almost heard her crying last night, and a week before she had woken him with a nightmare, and since she wasn’t keen on losing her only shot at reclaiming what she had lost, she needed to seem strong. She needed to seem like she wasn’t a pathetic broken mess.</p><p>She had invited him down to the bar to drink with her, and he had offhandedly mentioned that if he finished he would, so she drank alone at the bar, a bandaged hand weakly holding onto her glass as the room span around her.</p><p>Quickly enough, thoughts of her inadequacies and predicament turned into sludge, her intoxicated state muddling her thoughts past conceivability until consciousness was a familiar, comfortable weight that draped over her like a heavy blanket, muddling her thoughts past conceivability. Vaguely, she recognized that the bard who had been occupying the stage had left as the songs in her head were no longer rousing tales of heroism and now songs from her childhood, a twisting, morphing amalgamation of tunes and melodies from a life that was no longer hers; her mother humming that strange song she did when she knitted, the few tunes she had learned on the violin, and a couple of strange halfling folk songs that she could no longer name. </p><p>She found herself humming alone, trying to match the distant memories as she rested her cheek on the bar top. The warmth in her chest hugged her tightly, the way she wished Caleb would hug her when she was sad or drunk, and she allowed herself to rest for a moment.</p><p>“Excuse me?” A male voice cut through her half slumber. “Are you alright?” </p><p>“What?” Whaddya want?” She slurred, closing her eyes tighter in a hope that he would leave.</p><p>There was a pause before he said, “Maybe you should drink some water.”</p><p>“Yeah probably,” She drawled.</p><p>“Estal,” The man spoke again, his voice a little clearer. Fuck, she must be sobering up. That was an issue. “A glass of water for our goblin friend over here.”</p><p>He put a weird stressing on the word goblin, though the immediate bell of alarm that should have gone off in her head was too drowned out by the waves of alcohol clouding her mind.</p><p>Managing to unstick her eyelids, she looked up to see a frosted cup of water being pushed to her lips. Clumsy hands were steadied by larger ones and she drank the water.</p><p>Before she could react, two arms wrapped around her chest, pulling her from her comfortable seat and into a hanging position, her heavy limbs going limp. Panic spiked through her muddled state, and she began to hyperventilate as she realized acutely what her current situation was. Try as she might, she couldn’t move her limbs enough to even squirm. An unknown quantity people were talking around her, their voices garbled and low. </p><p>She felt herself being transported, muffled voices talking around her.</p><p>“How long’ll it be out for?” A muddled voice asked. </p><p>“It keeps a human out for a few hours, so for it, I don’t know.”</p><p>“Ah shit, will it overdose?” </p><p>“I don’t fuckin know. Apothecaries don’t usually have labels specifying this shit.”</p><p>“If it fuckin’ throws up on me, you’re cleaning my clothes.”</p><p>Nott felt herself be deposited onto the ground. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage and she felt like throwing up. Whether that was from the drug or panic, she wasn’t entirely sure.</p><p>“Fine, fine, just hurry the fuck up.”</p><p>“Wait, what the fuck is-”</p><p>The words were cut off by a whooshing sound followed by the feeling of heat against skin. There was a scream, another blast of heat and then two thuds.</p><p>“Dummköpfe,” Caleb swore as he picked Nott up, cradling the back of her head as he walked back to the room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Exaustion/ Sleep Deprivation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>VETH POV- Veth spends all night working on a lock</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It didn’t matter that Veth was tired. It didn’t matter that her hands were blistered and shaking. It didn’t matter that there was a splitting headache piercing her skull right behind her eyelids. It didn’t matter.</p><p>It didn’t matter because there was a lock.</p><p>A really difficult lock at that. When Caleb had handed her the box, she had thought that sure, it looked intrucuit, but how difficult could it be?</p><p>By hour three, she determined; pretty difficult.</p><p>There had been a few comments and questions during dinner when she neglected to eat in favor of working on the lock. Logically, she knew that there was no judgement behind their words, but her own frustrations and insecurity told her that they were looking down on her, so she bid goodnight and retreated to her room to work.</p><p>She wasn’t entirely sure how long she had been up, but based on the way her limbs felt heavy and her mind felt fogged, she guessed it was around 23 hours. She cursed herself for not having slept enough the night prior.</p><p>Between her fingers which were a bit less careful than they were at the beginning of this endeavor, the lockpick snapped in twain. Veth looked down at her hand, at the lock, and then threw the broken pick into the pile gathering next to her desk.</p><p>The caffeine was no longer working, and while she considered going down for more, that meant she would have to break her already flimsy concentration further. No, she was going to get this fucking lock no matter how long it took, because Caleb wanted her to and it was important. Her hands just needed to shut up and stop complaining so she could draw out the tumblers.</p><p>With a sharp rap at the door, she was broken out of her frustrated stupor, a spike of pain shooting through her skull. Carelessly massaging her temples, she hopped to the door. Quickly, she wiped the grimace off her face and opened the door.</p><p>There stood Caleb in thin, nice pajamas. Instantly, Veth frowned, her assumption being he had come to collect the box which she had not yet opened. Part of her said just to ask him to use ‘knock’ on it, but then the last 7 hours (holy shit it had been 7 hours?) would have been for nothing. </p><p>“It is 3 in the morning.” Was the first thing Caleb said. There was an edge to his voice, a bit of anxiety or concern.</p><p>“Okay?” She responded drowsily, scrubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.</p><p>“Is everything okay? You usually don’t stay awake this long unless you have to or you’re…” He trailed off, taking her in. It took her a moment to catch up, still a bit disoriented, but when she did her heart sunk a bit.</p><p>“...Drunk?” She finished. </p><p>“Ehm- ja, but it appears I was mistaken. However, my initial inquiry stands; why are you up so late?” He asked, peering over her shoulder, Veth instinctually moving to block his view, however, given their height difference, this attempt was rendered ineffectual.  </p><p>“Oh, you know,” she tried, her lie already coming out forced and unconvincing. “Just throwing a rager!”</p><p>Caleb looked at her, his keen eye analyzing her features with such intensity that Veth simply cracked. </p><p>Bowing her head and ignoring the irrational tears gathering in her eyes, she muttered,  “I can’t get the lock.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a pause, then, “What?” </p><p>Oh gods, he was disappointed in her. She should have never brought it up. Hasty to amend her mistake, she waved her hands in front of her and rambled, “But I’m almost there! Really! I promise it will be done before the morning! I mean locks are like <em>my thing </em> so I really have no excuse to be doing this poorly, and-”</p><p>Veth was cut off when Caleb took her hands in hers, his touch so soft and ginger that she was taken aback. Veth held her breath as he inspected her hands carefully, a frown on his lips that she wanted gone the moment she saw it. </p><p>“Have you taken any breaks since dinner?” He asked, voice soft and concerned. She frowned as well. He wasn’t supposed to be concerned.</p><p>“Well no, but-” She started.</p><p>“-I think I have an ointment for the blisters in my room. Go sit on the bed, I’ll be right back.”</p><p>Too tired to protest, she quietly did as she said. She hadn’t realized how bad her hands were until Caleb had taken them, but distantly she acknowledged that his concern wasn’t unfounded. Her brown hands were covered in an assortment of blisters ranging in size, and the occasional small laceration.</p><p>It didn’t take long for Caleb to return. In silence, he sat next to her and gently began applying for the appointment. He was gentle, much more gentle than he needed to be, so it took a while. The silence was companionable and comfortable and the gentle massaging to her hand was incredibly smoothing. Soon, the box was out of mind and she closed her eyes.</p><p>Halfway between sleep and consciousness, she was brought out of her state by Caleb staying, “That should help. If not, we can check with Caduceus in the morning for better treatment. I did the best I could.”</p><p>Instinct kicked in and she responded instantly, “Oh, Caleb, you didn’t need to do anything at all.”</p><p>Caleb frowned once more, but before she could fix whatever it was she had done wrong, he said, “I think it’s time to go to bed.”</p><p>The instant he said that, Veth yawned widely, stretching her arms. Despite her bodies protestations, she tried; “I’m not tired. I can keep working.”</p><p>Caleb didn’t need to say anything, as the look of disapproval was enough to shut down her rhetoric instantaneously. </p><p>“Fine,” she relented after losing the stare down. Once more she scrubbed at her eyes, and Caleb’s hovering hand gently guided her to the back of the bed. “But you’re awake too. Aren’t you tired?”</p><p>“Ah- I am used to it.” Caleb blushed a bit. “However, I got a full rest last night, unlike some people.”</p><p>“Fine, I get it,” Veth whined softly, getting comfortable on the pillow. Caleb’s voice was incredibly soothing and lulling her to sleep quickly. Her mind was a comfortable warm haze. “Are you gonna go to bed?” </p><p>“Eh, I have a bit of homework to finish up but-”</p><p>Veth cut him off by, without looking, taking his hand and pulling him next to her on the bed. He hesitated for a moment, and despite her eyes being shut, she could feel his gaze on her. Finally, he relented and he awkwardly got under the blankets. Cuddling in, Veth nestled into his side, uncaring of how he held fully still.</p><p>“Veth-” he started, voice almost quavering. “Is-is this okay?”</p><p>Later, Veth would be forced to rationalize this interaction to herself, but for now her line of logic was simple; she was tired and Caleb was comfortable and he needed to sleep as well, so this was just the best course of action. She was too tired to care. She didn’t care about the box anymore or her hands which still sort of tingled, because Caleb was here and he wasn’t disappointed in her or judging her.</p><p>“‘Night Lebby.” Was all she responded, face buried in his side and voice muffled.</p><p>Veth was awake just long enough to feel a large hand rest on her head and sweep a loose strand of hair behind her ear.</p><p>“Gute nacht, Veth.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>important info: Caleb waited like an hour after noticing she was awake and spent the entire time debating whether or not to say anything. Also I swear i did not expect the widobrave to be so pronounced in these fics, but I mean I guess u could kind of read this as qpp still?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Sensory Deprivation/ Blindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- during combat, Nott goes blind and deaf</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott turned just in time to see the ray of red energy fire and hit her square in the chest, however she lacked the reflexes to dodge it.</p><p>In an instant, everything went dark and silent. Her automatic assumption was that she had been teleported or plane shifted, but when a piercing pain lodged itself in her arm, she realized that she was still on the battlefield.</p><p>Another blast hit her square in the side, and the force of the blow topped her to the ground. Hissing through her teeth, she hopped to her feet. The quiet was deafening and the feeling of being attacked without being able to see or hear either attackers or enemies was disconcerting and terrifying.</p><p>“Caleb?” She called out, holding her ribs, her voice high. “Jester? Anyone?”</p><p>The response to her calling out was another blast, this time to her legs, leaving her crippled and on the ground. She blinked, desperate to remove the blindness, to no avail.</p><p>Suddenly, something was touching her shoulders. Instantly, she jerked away and raised her crossbow, firing at her perceived attacker. There was a moment of her hiding behind her raised crossbow, before something grabbed her once more, this time with more force.</p><p>And in only a moment, her sense returned. The renewal of light seared into her eyes and the rudeness of shouting was deafening. But, when she looked up, all she saw was Jester looking at her with concern and a bolt lodged in her shoulder. </p><p>“Oh shit, Jessie, I’m sorry I didn’t know it was you, I-” Nott started, eyes wide.</p><p>Jester flinched through her smile and said, “It’s fine. I’m just glad you’re okay!”</p><p>The conversation was promptly cut off when one of their assailants began to wail on Beauregard. Jester flashed Nott a smile before ducking off back into the fray.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry this is so short :((( My excuse is that I wanted to play minecraft lol<br/>to be fair tho, tomorrows fic im really excited for so it should make up for this :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Disorientation/ Concussion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NOTT POV- Nott hits her head</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nott shouldn’t have made herself a target. It was a lesson she should have learned with the gnolls in Alfield, or with the crocodiles in the Labenda Swamp or any of the numerous times she had peeked from the shadows. However, none of these lessons had seemed to stick as she had caught the ire of the large tentacled beast occupying a good quarter of the cavern.</p><p>She had only a moment to react before she felt a large tentacle wrap around her waist, violently yanking her from the ground and into the air. She shrieked a bit at the sensation, trying ineffectually to break free from the grip to no avail. </p><p>Quickly realizing she would have little chance trying to muscle her way from it’s ever tightening hold on her, she began to reload her crossbow as bolts of magic hit the tentacle holding her. Despite the blows being dealt to its arm, the creature held steadfast. Nott lit up as she managed, even in her grappled state, to load an explosive arrow into her crossbow. Before she could begin to pray to every god in her repertoire for the bolt not to misfire, the creature, seemingly agitated by the volley of attacks against it, whipped its arm.</p><p>The moment she hit the wall was white. Everything for a moment, was just white, and her brain barely comprehended the resounding crack that echoed throughout the cavern.</p><p>As chaos erupted around her, Nott slumped to the ground, her entire body aching with a pain not entirely unfamiliar. However, what was unfamiliar were the small dots of light that cropped up in her vision. </p><p>Nott’s battle instincts told her to stand back up, brush it off and jump back into the fray, but her mind was unclear and thoughts were inconcise and illogical. She blinked, trying to sit up a bit, and tried to remember where exactly she was. </p><p>The deafening ringing in her ears made her whine with annoyance. She wanted to curl up and sleep, but the adrenaline pumping through her broken body screamed at her to stay conscious, telling her that she was out in the open and at risk of being killed if she passed out here. Through her muddled and inconcise state, she vaguely thought to find Caleb. Being able to hyper focus on a goal with the possibility of relief at the end encouraged her enough to get to her feet, which was an undertaking more difficult than she would have liked.</p><p>The instant her feet fell flat, the vertigo hit her like a trolley. She stumbled to the side, the world spinning. Desperately trying to stay upright, she toppled into the cavern wall, barely catching herself and holding on for dear life as the room revolved around her.</p><p>She blinked a few more times in an attempt to clear her blurry vision, simultaneously trying to repress her nausea which had set in as she hit the wall. The blinking did a bit to clear things up, but not enough for her to see any sorts of details. She made out the shapes of things around her, and with her attention laser focused on finding Caleb, she began to stumble towards where the purple coat stood, shooting off over the top fire spells. His attention during combat was always one track and hyper focused, and he didn’t seem to notice her presence. </p><p>“Uh-” was all she got out, as the moment she opened her mouth to speak, the nausea that she had tried so hard to repress made itself acutely apparent and she fell to her knees, convulsing and dry heaving.</p><p>Trembling violently, she forced herself to her feet once more and wiped away the tears that had come with the heaving and the blood trickling from her nose that she hadn’t even noticed was there. </p><p>“Cay?” she tried once more, pleased that this has not resulted in another wave of nausea. This seemed to catch his attention, and as she looked up at him, her vision cleared enough for her to see the horror on his face.</p><p>“Oh god, Nott.” His voice was muffled and distant, and she didn’t want him to talk. She wanted him to carry her and pet her and let her nap in his lap. She wanted him to make it better. “Scheisse, J-Jester, we need help, she’s-”</p><p>He looked off, yelling to the others, his eyes filled with fear. She would have liked to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure what she would say. Large hands grabbed her arms before she could pass out, Caleb scooping her into his arms. Despite his lack of physical strength, he had no issue lifting her diminutive form, and she mumbled out a string of slurred vowels that was supposed to be a compliment.</p><p>The last thing she heard before fully falling unconscious was; “You’re going to be okay, just hold on.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Power Word Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CALEB POV- Veth gets hit with power word pain</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caleb looked up just in time to see the arcane bolt of purple hit Veth squarely in the chest. Instinctually, his hand shot out to cast a counterspell, but his reaction was a second too late and the spell dissolved in the air with nothing to counter. His hand trembled as his best friend fell to the ground screaming.</p><p>His stomach dropped in his chest. The shriek she let was horrible and shrill, but more than that, agonized and desperate. Caleb glanced away from her trembling form to see the spellcaster dimension door away, a smirk peeking out from underneath the black hood.</p><p>The spell was called <em>‘Power Word Pain,’</em> and while he had only read about it in tomes about the great evil spellcasters, the effects were recognizable enough that, even with his limited knowledge about the spell, he knew that what Veth was feeling was all consuming, horrible pain.</p><p>Another miserable shriek snapped him out of his thoughts, and he found himself rushing towards her before he could rationalize the choice. While running, a blast of unfamiliar red magic hit the floor by his feet, but when he looked up to see who had cast it, Jester was already beheading the cloaked figure.</p><p>Trusting that his friends could handle it, he slid in next to Veth, taking her hands and trying to access the damages. Her eyes, which had been screwed shut opened when he touched her, and miserably she tried to crawl away before realizing who was touching her. </p><p>“It’s okay,” he consoled. “I’ve got you.”</p><p>“C-Caleb,” she tried, her voice strained and choked as tears fell down her cheeks. Her entire body shuddered under his touch and his heart squeezed at the sight of her misery. Biting his lip he squeezed her hands a bit, encouraging her to hold on a little tighter. She took the cue, very quickly tightening her hold to a death grip. There really was nothing he or anyone else could do. Either the spell ran its course for the full minute, or she managed to overcome it on her own. “Caleb it hurts.”</p><p>Caleb’s face crumpled. “I know, I know.” </p><p>Her nails dug into his hand and unable to do much more, Caleb pulled her forward into his chest, retrieving his hands to stroke her hair. Without hesitation, she took his full comfort, pressing her face into his chest. Her hands bunched up the fabric of his shirt; he was certain he would find stains the next day but that was easily his lowest priority at the moment. </p><p>He absolutely hated seeing her in pain or hurt, but usually there was something he could do to help. But here, he felt completely helpless, only able to pet her hair and murmur words of comfort and reassurance as she trembled in his arms. </p><p>As he felt her tears stain his already bloodied shirt, he rested his chin on the crown of her head and holding her a bit tighter, wishing more than anything to remove her pain, to take her place, to do something. </p><p>Uselessly, he curled his body around hers, hoping to shield her smaller form from any more attacks, all the while silently promising that he would never let this happen again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i cant believe this spell exists and people don't use it for angst more frequently. SMH what a waste</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Fever/Sleepless Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Caduceus POV- Caduceus is called upon when a member of the team falls ill</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ah, excuse me, Mr. Clay. Could you please come up to my room now please?”</p><p>Caleb’s voice came through Cadueceus’s head unprompted, the human’s voice rough and urgent. Caduceus blinked, surprised at the message.</p><p>“I’ll be there in a moment,” he responded, not knowing whether or not he could respond to the message. Setting his half full cup of tea on the windowsill so as to allow it to cool off in the cool night’s breeze, he made his way up to Caleb’s room as per the request.</p><p>When he arrived at the door, he bent down and gently knocked.</p><p>“Come in,” Caleb’s voice called out at the prompt. </p><p>Carefully, Caduceus creaked open the door to reveal the low lit bedroom of Caleb. Caleb didn’t look up open Caduceus’s entrance, instead looking down at the bed where a bundle of blankets laid next to him.</p><p>“Hello, what can I help with?” Caduceus asked, his eyes adjusting to the light. Caleb’s eyes glanced up to Caduceus before quickly shooting back down.</p><p>“I don’t know what to-” Caleb’s voice was rough and almost wavering. Taking a moment to steady himself, he tried again. “She was feeling ill earlier in the day so I went to go get supplies, and when I got back…”</p><p>Caduceus leaned down to see where Nott was cuddling into Caleb’s thigh from beneath a pile of blankets carefully and snuggly around her, trembling hands in little balled fists. Lips parted, she whined, a tiny, pathetic noise that made Caduceus tense a bit. Her skin was ashy and pale to a degree so severe Caduceus questioned if it was a trick of the light. Determining that no, he had seen correctly, he rested a hand on her forehead.</p><p>Her skin was extremely warm. Caduceus couldn’t attest for her usual external body temperature, however, if he were comparing it to a human, he would determine that this was a fever. An <em>extremely </em>severe fever.</p><p>“It wasn’t this bad in the morning,” Caleb explained, petting her hair with a look of overwhelmingly deep concern and a bit of fondness. “And now…”</p><p>Hiding a concerned frown, Caduceus muttered a few divine words and cast <em>Greater Restoration. </em> There was a tense moment filled with bated breath, however there was no reprieve.</p><p>Hiding his clear disappointment, Caleb continued to talk, the filling of silence seemingly calming him. “She has gotten sick in the past. I think it is because she is a goblin, but her illnesses are usually more severe than the average Empire bug. It has never been this bad, though.”</p><p>Unfortunately, Caduceus didn’t know enough about goblin biology to rationalize the severity of the illness. </p><p>“Has she been drinking water?” Caduceus asked, beginning to make a mental list of medicinal herbs he needed.</p><p>“Ehm- I believe she was drinking liquor earlier-” Caleb was cut off by a curt, disappointed look by Caduceus. </p><p>With a sigh, Caduceus sat down on the bed. Gently, he pressed a hand to Nott’s shoulder.</p><p>“Hi, Nott. How are you feeling?” He asked softly. Golden eyes blinked open, although her gaze was half lidded and unfocused. </p><p>“Cold,” she muttered in response, voice hoarse and weak.</p><p>Caduceus pulled out his waterskin and slowly pressed the mouth of it to her lips.</p><p>“I need you to drink some of this, okay?” He narrated gently as he helped her drink. Each passing moment and weak movement really only accentuated how poor her condition was. Taking back his waterskin, he said, “Thank you.”</p><p>She let out a non committal hum in response, returning to her position next to Caleb’s thigh. </p><p>“I want to help,” Caleb said, the words exiting his mouth urgently, the human clearly desperate to help. “How can I help?”</p><p>“Do you know where my healer's kit is in my room?” Caleb nodded. “I need you to grab that as well as Restituo Leaves,  Pascha Ovum buds and a handful of Pulmenti os Siccum.”</p><p>With a nod, Caleb got up, eliciting a wine from the goblin, who made grabby hands for her pillow. Caleb flinched at that, the look of guilt on his face only intensifying.</p><p>“I’ve got her,” Caduceus reassured. </p><p>Caleb paused for a moment, looking between the two of the two of them before saying, “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>The door shut as behind him as Caleb went to retrieve the grocery list. Carefully, Caduceus scooped the trembling goblin into his arms. Nott was small enough that she very easily fit in his lap, reminiscent of Frumpkin sitting in Caleb’s lap. </p><p>While carefully coddling her in the blankets once more, he reviewed her symptoms. Coming to the conclusion that he’d never seen this illness before, he made a plan of what needed to be done. In his lap, Nott curled up further into a ball, and Caduceus was pleased to see the proximity had alleviated some of her trembling.</p><p>“Cay?” A tiny voice rose up from beneath the pile of blankets smothering her. </p><p>“He’s grabbing some stuff for me,” Caduceus reassured. “I’m just keeping you company until he’s back.”</p><p>“Oh.” A pause. “Thanks.”</p><p>Caduceus’s smile faltered for a moment as he wondered if she had ever gotten this sick with the goblins. She had been there for months, and he assumed she was in a poor physical state. He nearly grimaced at the thought of her going through this alone.</p><p>From there, he resolved to help her through this, and that would start with making sure she wasn’t allowed to drink anymore booze, because really, what the hell was Caleb thinking with that one?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i love how I leave the descriptions vague. like lmao the fic is called Nott-tober, who do you think its gonna be?? its a goddamn mystery lolol<br/> btw thanks for all the comments u guys they've been really encouraging and they make me all happy and shit<br/>(side note, cut the pad of my finger and now it hurts to type, and we still have 4 days left, so this will be fun!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Touch Starved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Molly POV- Molly and Nott discuss boundaries</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Touch was sort of just something Mollymauk Tealeaf was accustomed to. The carnival had simply been like that. Boundaries weren’t exactly a thing. So, when Mollymauk met a new group of people, he hadn’t exactly considered that they wouldn’t be accustomed to touch. This was especially applicable to Nott, as he saw her frequently holding hands with Caleb or sitting in his lap. It was casual and welcome.</p><p>So, when he threw an arm around while making a joke, he hadn’t expected her to freeze and quickly duck away, a faint flush sprouting from beneath her bandages as she scuttled closer over to Caleb. It wasn’t brought up for the rest of the night.</p><p>Despite all reason, Mollymauk couldn’t help but take it somewhat personally. However, as their time together progressed he realized that it wasn’t necessarily him. Occasionally Jester, who Mollymauk was certain Nott was enchanted with, would throw an arm around Nott or take her hand and he watched her get stiff and scared in the way she had that day. He, and everyone else, took it at face value, simply respecting her wish not to be touched. That was, until Mollymauk noticed something else weird.</p><p>It was one night where everyone was sitting around the campfire in the middle of their makeshift camp, Jester raving about this one time she saw ‘a really big bumblebee. No, no, no, like a <em>really </em> big bee. Like, he was the size of my <em> thumb </em> you guys. I’m totally serious.’ Caleb and Nott were off in their own corner, as they usually were, and Caleb, while explaining something, casually rested an arm on her shoulder. As if she were struck by lightning, her posture went rigid and she froze. Quickly, Caleb realized his mistake and moved away, apologizing profusely.</p><p>The memory of that interaction was stuck in Mollymauk’s mind until he decided, admittedly after not much deliberation, that subtly or tact was lame.</p><p>“Why do you hate being touched?” He asked out of the blue one night as the two of them sat up for watch.</p><p>Nott blinked, surprised. “What?”</p><p>“Whenever anyone touches you you freak out,” he pointed out. Nott’s ears lowered a little bit and a bashful blush crept onto her cheeks. “If it’s personal then you don’t have to talk about it.”</p><p>“Uhm…” she trailed off, deliberating. Mollymauk watched her steady herself to say, “I don’t hate touch. I touch Caleb a lot.”</p><p>“Yeah, but when he touched you the other night at dinner you got all weird,” he said. She blinked, seemingly taken aback by the fact that he had noticed that.</p><p>“Well...uhm… it’s complicated…” she explained vaguely, shrugging awkwardly. </p><p>“That’s fine,” Mollymauk soothed, fully prepared to take that as the answer and leave it be. Her eyes stayed trained on the fire, shoulders still tense.</p><p>A few minutes passed, before she spoke up once more.</p><p>“I don’t hate touch,” she started, voice hushed as if it were a secret only he was privy to. “I hate being touched.”</p><p>“Isn’t that the same thing?” He asked, genuinely confused.</p><p>“No it’s- argh I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like… I’m fine with touch as long as I initiate it, y’know? But I don’t like it when people touch me without asking or warning me. I don’t even like it that much when they do warn me and then do.”</p><p>The more he thought about it, he realized that every time he had seen Nott and Caleb touching, it had been initiated by Nott. He couldn’t recall a time when Caleb had initiated touch other than the fire a few days ago. It wasn’t exactly a sentiment he understood, but it was one that he could respect.</p><p>“That makes sense,” he mused. She nodded a bit, clearly a bit awkward about openly discussing affection. “Well, if you ever want to initiate it, let me know. Otherwise, I’ll give you space.”</p><p>She almost looked taken aback by someone respecting her boundaries, but quickly the surprise turned into a beaming, toothy grin.</p><p>“That sounds nice.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter might not be interesting for anyone because this is 10000% just me projecting lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Reluctant Bedrest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nott POV- continuation of fever/sleepless nights; Nott needs rest, and Fjord is on babysitting duty</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You are such an asshole,” Nott groaned.</p><p>Feigning shock, Fjord gasped, “Who me?”</p><p>“Yes you, dick!” Nott said petulantly- well, as petulantly anyone smothered the weight of a half orc sitting atop a mountain of blankets could. “I’m literally fine! Let me up.”</p><p>“Caduceus said that you were sick and needed bed rest. I am simply enacting our respected healers bidding,” he replied, smirking like a shit.</p><p>“Let. Me. Up.” Nott threatened. </p><p>“Hey, you’re the one always talking about how weak I am. Why don’t you just shove me off?” Fjord mocked. The hiss was out of her mouth before she could register it, however the accompanying swipe of her claws were absent from the outlash.</p><p>“YOU ARE SMOTHERING ME,” She yelled. He really wasn’t very heavy, in fact, she needed to make sure he was eating enough at dinner, however, she still didn’t appreciate the fact that he was sitting on top of her. “WHY ARE YOU SO HEAVY?”</p><p>“You’re yelling a lot for someone being smothered,” Fjord pointed out. The slight smirk on his face was replaced with a full on grin hiding restrained laughter. Despite herself, she couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her own lips.</p><p>Finally, she gave up on physically struggling, letting herself go limp. The headache from last night had returned and her forehead wrinkled at the sensation. Her limbs ached, whether it was from the healing or from struggling, she wasn’t sure.</p><p>“Do you need me to get Caduceus?” Fjord asked, looking down at her, jovialness replaced with concern. She blinked a bit, ridding herself of the sharp ache in her forehead.</p><p>She nodded in response, saying, “Could you get Mr. Clay?”</p><p>With a nod, Fjord stood up and headed for the door. Instantly, she jumped out of the bed and rolled on the floor, landing with a 10  point landing (it was more like a 4 point, but in her head it felt much more elegant) on her feet. Fjord spun around as Nott wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, body still aching and cold.</p><p>“Fuck you Fjord!” She yelled victoriously, ignoring the roughness of her throat. Fjord’s wide eyes squinted as he took up a pose much like Beauregard anticipating an attack. </p><p>“Wildemother forgive me,” Fjord muttered, crossing his heart quickly. “But I must dunk on this small child.”</p><p>“I’m 25!” She screeched as she ducked for the door. Unfortunately, the ache in her legs caused her to move slower than she usually would have, and Fjord easily intercepted her and lifted her weakly kicking form into the air over his head. </p><p>Nott sighed with defeat as he set her down on the bed, head now splitting with sharp pain. </p><p>“You fought valiantly. Time to rest now,” Fjord said as he tightly wrapped her in blankets. Despite the fact that she was <em>fine, </em> sleep did sound pretty nice. In the morning, she would enact her revenge and kill him, but for now she fell into the deep depths of fever driven sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for 2000 hits guys!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Wound Reveal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CALEB POV- Caleb kills Nott during battle</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caleb didn’t see Nott’s unconscious body held limp in the tentacle of the monster until it was just too late. </p><p>The blast from the fireball was deafening and the heat radiated off of it scalded his skin from proximity, however Caleb couldn’t find it in himself to look away from the explosion. From some long forgotten realm deep in his mind, the naive child in himself wondered if perhaps she had survived, if, perhaps, he hadn’t just murdered his best friend.</p><p>That naive child was murdered the moment he saw her small body hit the stone floor, unmoving, unbreathing, form shrouded behind a thick fog leaving her a crumpled shadow in its wake.</p><p>The battle was over. All of their enemies had been defeated. Jester was calling out, asking if anyone needed healing. She hadn’t yet noticed Nott. </p><p>Beauregard- he could hardly pick out voices when his own was screaming over everything- was talking to Caleb. She was asking if he was okay the way she did when he broke after killing someone with fire. But Caleb wasn’t thinking about his parents or Astrid or Trent or any of that. He was looking at Nott’s crumpled, smoking form.</p><p>Beauregard screamed. She had finally noticed. Unmoving and unbreathing like Nott, he stood and watched as Jester sprinted over, sliding next to Nott on the ground, tears in her eyes and shrill panic in her voice as she screamed for Caduceus. </p><p>As Jester lifted Nott into her arms, cradling her with all the tenderness and care in the world, Caleb got a good look at the damage. Her skin was a horrible lifeless, ashy pale shade that sucked out any implication that this had once been a vivacious, moving, living person. Dark crimson blood ran down in uneven rivulets from her broken nose and split lips. Her eyes were open, glazed over and unseeing, the luminous glow of her golden eyes absent, taking on a hazy, dull, yellow. </p><p>The pretty golden dress speckled with little triangles- the one that had put such a bright smile on her face when she had worn it for the first time- was scorched. The tips of the braids she so meticulously plaited each morning were frayed and uneven. The smell of burnt hair and- he realized nauseously- burnt flesh permeated the chamber, and Caleb barely resisted the urge to vomit.</p><p>“I didn’t even see her go down,” Beauregard muttered from somewhere outside his peripherals, voice choked off and near breaking. </p><p>“Me neither,” Fjord muttered in agreement, tone somber and restrained, although the underlying tension that plagued the entire cavern was ever present. </p><p>A bandaged hand took his, and unfortunately timed instinct told him to look down to his side where Nott would be offering a button or story or smile. Instead, when he looked down, he saw Beauregard’s wrapped hand squeezing his. Looking up, she wore a grimace, however, it was almost kind. Almost forgiving. </p><p>Unable to look fondness and care in the eye, he turned back to his crime against the world. Everything seemed muted and distant, and Caleb wasn’t entirely sure if his own brain was playing tricks on him, or if by killing Nott he had simply dragged the life out of the world by taking such a good soul out of it.</p><p>Jester was weeping through her divine incantation. Caduceus had a hand rested on her shoulders, muttering his own divine words, guiding her through the spell. Yasha was clutching a broken rib with one hand, the hilt of her sword in another. </p><p>Everything was tense. Everyone was scared and sad and Nott was dead and it was entirely his fault. </p><p>Nott was dead and it was his fault.</p><p>And then she wasn’t.</p><p>She shot up with a dry, rasping wheeze, eyes wide. Jester sobbed with a mix of relief and joy and wrapped her arms around the goblin’s soldiers, crying healing spells into green, charred skin. </p><p>The tension of the moment was released in a wave of relieved sighs and slumping posture. Seeing everything was taken care of, the other members, other than Jester and Caleb- whose legs were still stuck to the ground,- left Nott her space, walking around to loot and scavenge.</p><p>Nott blinked away the disorientation and wiped blood from her chin and lips, wincing when she caught a split. </p><p>As the ringing in his ear abated, he picked up on the conversation the two detectives were having. </p><p>“-Jessie, it’s okay, I’m fine. Really.” Nott consoled drowsily, patting Jester’s tear strained cheek with a light hand, leaving a small bit of blood and ash behind.</p><p>“I didn’t even see you go down,” Jester explained through the tears she was trying to wipe away.</p><p>“Well I’m the rogue. You shouldn’t see me at <em>all, </em>” Nott chuckled sympathetically. Jester giggled a bit and helped Nott to her feet.</p><p>And then, Nott was looking at him, her pretty crescent eyes still glassy. His guilt had gone corrosive, threatening to spill from his lips or dissolve him from the inside out. Either of those were preferable to the look of pure love and fondness she got when she looked upon his murderous, horrid self. She didn’t even know he was the one who landed the killing blow, but still she ran forward and burrowed into his chest.</p><p>This was the third time she had died. The first time was one he hadn’t been present for, but the thought of it added fuel to the flame that was the hatred for those who had broken her. The second, he had been present for. He replayed it at night when she wasn’t curled up in his bed. He replayed it every time she went to go pick a lock. This was three. He couldn’t imagine the mental toll that took on a person.</p><p>He didn’t need to be a self pitying shit. He needed to be a friend to his incredibly brave friend who was hiccupping back tears to stay strong. For whose sake it was, he was uncertain. </p><p>Wrapping his scarred arms around him, he wrapped her in the strongest, most protective hug he could muster. Later, there would be talks and apologies and he would break down. </p><p>But for now, he could just hold her tightly like she needed and ground himself in the reality that what he had done wasn’t permanent. </p><p>Things could be better this time. He wouldn’t need time travel to fix this sin.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>for Critter &lt;3 also I can't believe it took 30 days to kill her! Shame on me, really :( <br/>ONE MORE DAY!!!!!!!!!! woooo!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Experiment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>VETH POV- BACKSTORY SWAP AU with Bren's backstory</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Astrid squeezed Veth’s hand, both a silent cue not to show fear and a reassurance of their companionship in this situation. Master Ikithon was still referring to various charts; pictures of crystals shoved below skin, no gore or imperfections. The pictures didn’t look the way they did in real life. They were medically precise and perfect. The way things were meant to be. </p><p>Eodwulf was sitting behind them, his pained, hissing breaths having quieted down  enough so as to not not be heard. He was no doubt nursing his own scars, him having volunteered to go first. Whether that tribute was meant to further his place in Master Ikithon’s rankings, or to spare Veth and Astrid for a while longer, Veth wasn’t entirely sure. She suspected some combination of the two, however, Eodwulf was a difficult person to get a bead on.</p><p>“There were a few errors in our trial run,” Master Ikithon said, cleaning the scalpel. Veth’s throat tightened and she repressed the feeling of nausea in her stomach by tightening her grip on Astrid’s hand. “This time, we’ll be condescending the surface area on the arm.”</p><p>Master Ikithon stood, walking to the back of the chamber to retrieve fresh batch refined residuum, absently speaking all the while. Most of what he said was lost on Veth who was trying very poorly to quell her fears.</p><p>“Eadwulf, stop hissing,” Master Ikithon scolded, sitting back down the medical chair where Veth sat. “Astrid, go tend to him.”</p><p>Instantly, Astrid stood, her hand slipping from Veth’s hand, the order seemingly registered before she realized that getting up meant leaving Veth’s hand. She hesitated only a moment, looking to Veth in a wince of sympathy, before heading to Eadwulf’s side.</p><p>“Sleeves up,” Master Ikithon ordered, organizing his tools on the cart.</p><p>Veth was brave. She could do this. She wasn’t going to be afraid of a little pain, because that was childish and she wasn’t a child.</p><p>Obliging, she rolled her sleeves up and rested her arms on the arms of the chair, taking a shaky breath.</p><p>The first laceration was deep; much deeper than Eadwulf’s had been. </p><p>“Eyes open, Smy’th,” Master Ikithon ordered. </p><p>Veth opened her eyes and tried not to wince at the sight of her own blood running down her arm. Master Ikithon took the towel and began to clean it, before retrieving one of the larger pieces of residuum.</p><p>“Don’t tense,” he demanded, voice apathetic. Her eyes wandered from her arm to a spot on the wall where the bricks were discolored. Taking deep breaths, she focused on what could have caused that discoloration, and not the sharp, overwhelming pain of the crystal being inserted.</p><p>She kept staring at that spot with a laser focus until the slight natural light in the room turned darker. She was missing a sunset. That thought somehow managed to bring tears to her eyes, although she blinked them away quickly enough that she was certain Master Ikithon hadn’t seen.</p><p>She wasn’t sure how long it had been, only that Eadwulf’s breaths had evened out and that they were running out of space on her arms.</p><p>“Okay,” Master Ikithon said. She hadn’t noticed that he had stopped as the pain was ever present. He leaned back with curious interest, a leatherbound journal in his freshly cleaned, jaundiced hands. “Wire up.”</p><p>Not daring to look down, she reached into her pocket, accidentally brushing fabric, a feeling so uncomfortable that pure pain would have been preferable. She raised the wire, focussing in at Master Ikithon, and cast ‘message.’</p><p>“Conjuration, Necromancy, Evocation, Abjuration, Transmutation, Divination, Enchantment, Illusion,” she recited, reading off the schools of magic, something she had memorized a hundred times over.</p><p>The look of disappointment and frustration in Master Ikithon’s eyes made her flinch back unconsciously. His glare turned from her to his journal, and as he wrote, she carefully put her wire back.</p><p>Her arms still stung something fierce, a pain she wasn’t entirely sure she had ever felt before. As he scribed, she subtly looked back to Astrid and Eadwulf. Astrid looked on in fear- most likely fearing the same pain for herself- whilst Eadwulf simply repressed a grimace. Their eyes met hers, and for a moment she was filled with a rush of warmth at the companionship.</p><p>Reminded that the experiment was not yet over, she shot back to staring straight ahead. The crystals were less painful coming out than in, however it still hurt more than she could articulate. </p><p>Too tempted to not at least look, she gazed down cautiously to see the bloody mess of scars cut into her soft, dark skin. She didn’t have long to look at it, as, with more care than she thought capable of the man, Master Ikithon began wrapping her arms. The pressure was a relief, but the ache was not alleviated.</p><p>“This is all for today. Retire to your rooms. I will excuse you from your first period class tomorrow,” Ikithon announced, standing. Veth lit up a bit at that, despite the poor circumstances. “I expect you back here at the same time tomorrow, understood?”</p><p>“Understood,” the three of them responded in practiced unison. </p><p>Veth went to stand, however the chair was big and she was small, and when she went to use her arms, she was reminded of the pain and sank back down. Before she could excuse the display of weakness, a larger hand scooped her up, helping to her feet.</p><p>As her feet touched ground, she swayed a bit, the jolting pain causing instant nausea. Quickly, Astrid and Eadwulf led her from the room.</p><p>The moment they were a few corridors away from the room, Eadwulf scooped Veth into his arms. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Astrid asked, looking between the two of them, but landing on Veth. Veth nodded, wincing as she adjusted in Eadwulf’s arms.</p><p>“This…” she croaked, holding back. “This is important, right? It will make us powerful if it works.”</p><p>“Of course it is,” Astrid reassured. “We’ll be incredibly powerful one day.”</p><p>“And we’ll do great things for the empire,” Eadwulf tacked on as they walked down the hallway. </p><p>Veth reassured herself with that until she went to sleep where she had a vivid nightmare of her arms being sliced into ribbons. </p><p>Yes, it was important.</p><p>It had to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, we're finally here. I have a few things to say if you'll entertain me.</p><p>With 136 pages and 27000 words, this has taken a LOT. I've never done any of these things, Inktober, Kinktober, what have you, but I feel great satisfaction at simply doing it. </p><p>I sacrificed my poor, poor wrists for this as I only got a pad halfway through. Also, maybe I shouldn't have done this during a period where there ended up being days where I had (and the Widobrave discord server can attest to this fact) 25 minutes to work on it. My grades might be dead, but my love for Nott the Brave is not!</p><p>Thank you so much to everyone who has been leaving comments. Thank you to everyone who left a kudos, and thank you to everyone who read every chapter as a guest. I appreciate all the support and it's made this whole fic much more fun to write. </p><p>It's going to be weird going a day without thinking "OH SHIT I NEED TO WORK ON NOTT-TOBER," but maybe that will encourage me to make more? Perhaps only time will tell on that front.</p><p>I may continue a couple of the AU ones, as I do have more ideas, so IDK, look out for them?</p><p>I have another fic that is similar to this. A little less hurt, a LOT more comfort. It's called Goblin Girl Cuddles, and unlike this now dead fic, that one will be updated in the future.</p><p>I get to pull the "anti-youtuber" and now say "make sure to check whether or not you're subscribed, and if so, HIT THAT UNSUBSCRIBE BUTTON!!!"</p><p>Well, I'm gonna go eat dinner. Thanks again all!</p>
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